Friday, March 29, 2013

"Have You Ever Been Condemned to Hell for Playing Video Games?"

I consider myself a Christian man, but not a bible thumper by any means. I have the “you do what you want” and “I’ll do what I want” attitude when it comes to having faith. I can’t stand extremist on any level, whether it be the “follow me or you’re going to hell” people or the “you’re an idiot for believing in a higher power” people. I know that really didn’t need to be said because I’m sure most people feel the same way, but this story is one of the reasons why I feel that way.

When I was younger, back in the late 80’s, I attended a Catholic school. Now, what I’m about to say isn’t a knock on the Catholics, but on the extremists who have a knack of taking things a little too far, hence the name extremists. Well as I was saying, the big console at the time was obviously the NES and like most people my age that played video games would recall, it was a normal thing to trade and/or borrow games from our friends. Games weren’t given to us a frequently as they are given to kids today, so to be able to play a wide variety of games, we had to trade with our friends or believe it or not go over their houses to play what they had.

One afternoon before heading home I was talking to one of my friends, he wanted to borrow Gauntlet and for the life of me I can’t remember what I was going to borrow from him, but I agreed. The next day at recess, not even during class, we break out the games to make the switch not really thinking anything of it. A nun walked by and saw what we were doing; she grabbed both the games and brought us into the office.

She saw the cover of Gauntlet which featured a wizard and whatever game he had featured some sort of demon or devil looking thing on the cover, which did not sit well with her. She read us the riot act, told us how playing these things was going to guarantee us a spot in hell, as if to imply grab your pitchfork and horns because you’re invited to a barbeque! Now, I may be heading to hell, if not already there, but I can tell you for sure my video game collection isn’t going to be the reason why!

She then decided she was going to keep the games and have our parents come in to pick them up, which was a big mistake on her part. I guess she thought she was going to fill our parents in on what was going on, with the hopes of “saving” us. I don’t think she realized we got these games from our parents and not some guy hiding out behind the school selling games in plastic baggies. My mother was not someone to play around with; especially when you try to keep something she had to spend fifty dollars on, let’s just say it didn’t end well for the nun.

If she thought Gauntlet was a bad, good thing she never came across games like GTA or House of the Dead: Overkill!

Has anyone else ever experienced something like this?


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

“Bon Jovi Guitar Hero/Rock Band”

First off, I have never been a fan of either of the aforementioned games, not because I thought they were bad games or anything, but basically because I knew I wasn't coordinated enough to play them.

However, a couple days ago I was over my cousin's house and he was playing the Beatles: Rock Band and truthfully it looked like a lot of fun and maybe something I could actually pull off.

Most likely I'm not going to run out and purchase either game as of right now, but if they came out with a game based around one of my favorite bands I just may.

Growing up in the 80's and also being from New Jersey it goes without saying that I was a huge fan

of Bon Jovi, then and honestly still am. I know Bon Jovi isn't for everyone but I do believe if they came out with a Guitar Hero/Rock Bank dedicated to them it would sell…I know I would buy it…even if I had to get a second job with Tommy on the docks.

Now I know there is DLC for Bon Jovi of these games…but that’s not good enough for me…I want to see them on the cover rocking out in all their glory and giving love a bad name… I mean if they can give Green Day (of all bands) their own game…so why not Bon Jovi…why is Bon Jovi playing second fiddle (or in this case electric guitar) to Green Day…that makes as much sense as Beyonce singing backup for Courtney Love.

Bon Jovi also doesn’t deserve some crappy thrown together shovelware game either…where the band members look like some 8-bit rejects who move like they are doing the robot. They deserve the best…the royal treatment…their game should look like no other…like as if you are actually there watching them live…and play where as you really feel like you’re jamming out with the band itself.

Bon Jovi is one of the greatest bands ever...they survived the 80's glam...the 90's grunge...and still going strong. It is a real shame that they don't have their own Rock Band/Guitar Hero game...I mean what is this world coming to. We have video games based on all kind of crappy things…so why something as awesome as Bon Jovi is being overlooked…is beyond me.

I don’t know maybe Bon Jovi was offered a game but declined, I didn't really think there were any bands that had issues with these games but I guess it's kind of like the whole Napster thing to a certain point, bands vs. technology.

Think of the new generation of female tech savvy groupies that will be playing this will be like the 80's all over again.


Wednesday, March 20, 2013

"Lying to Beat Your Friends at Video Games...on the Next Dr. Phil"

Have you ever lied to your friend(s), imaginary or real, when playing video games against them...just so you could beat them?

When my friends and I would play fighting games together and I would find out how to pull off a "special move", they would ask me how I did that. My friends, thinking that our relationship really meant more to me than whipping their buttocks in the game really thought I was going to tell them how I pulled the move off...boy were they wrong.

My response was always the same, "I don't know how I did it, I just keep randomly pushing buttons"...oh c'mon don't look at me like that, you know you did it before too. They finally realized I was lying after about the tenth time I "accidentally" pulled the move off in a row, but by that time it was too late and I already won the match. What can I say, when you're good you're good.

Every once in a while they would do the same thing to me, but I would just throw down the controller and storm out of the room calling them a cheater, because I'm a real man and that's how we handle our business. Back in the days of corded controllers, if I was losing I would yank the cord of their controller thus making the controller itself come flying out of their hands, giving me a few seconds to do what I had to do to win...just another reason why you should buy/use corded controllers.

I was lucky because if none of my so-called "cheating" moves worked, I had people in my life who were pretty low...and they don't mind going lower if you know what I mean. I just had to say the word and this problem (my ex-friend who beat me) will be solved and all it would cost me was a six pack of beer...and they didn't care if it was the cheap beer either. My family works pretty cheap and they get the job done.


Monday, March 18, 2013

"Proper Gaming Etiquette"

In my opinion, there are certain "unwritten" rules when it comes to gaming, which one should be obeyed at all times, or you run the risk of getting a beat down. Most of which are pretty obvious and should be respected, but there are still some people out there who believe they are above the law (like Steven Seagal) and they can do whatever they want.

For example, I can't stand when people talk to you or talk around you while you're trying to play a game, in my opinion it's just as rude as talking during a movie. I'm not talking about while you're playing multiplayer either, I'm talking about the single player campaign where for the most part the story matters. I for one enjoy getting into the story, knowing what's going on, it makes the game that much better and more enjoyable.

Am I alone on this, is there anyone else out there who can't stand when some fool wants to tell you about their pet hamster or their "bad" day while you're trying to play? If I walk into a room and I see someone playing, I try not to say anything unless I'm asked something, to me it's just proper etiquette.

Something else that drives me nuts, when someone tries to tell you what to do in the game, or how to play the game you're playing. Go here, do that, etc.....makes me want to punch them in the face. If I wanted your help I would ask for it, or better yet, I would hand you the controller.

I also can't stand when someone sees you struggling while playing a game and they reach out for the controller and say, "Do you want me to do this part for you"? If that's what I wanted, I would be watching you play instead of playing myself, seems pretty logical....doesn't it.

Finally, I can't stand when someone sees you pick up a new game, which obviously you haven't played before and they start telling you what they liked and didn't like about the story. They aren't being vague either, they are being as vivid as possible, leaving out no detail...basically ruining the whole game. Another circumstance where I would love to slap the taste out of their mouth.

I know some people would say I'm on a "high horse" for what I have said, and my reply back would be, I should have known he was smoking again, considering the fact that he's had the munchies like nobodies business. Eating up all the carrots and sugar cubes he could get his hoofs on. Stupid stoner horse, I told my horse to lay off the crap! Sorry, I know that was lame, but it's getting late, it's the best I could come up with.


Friday, March 8, 2013

"Why is Being a Noob a Bad Thing?"

These kids nowadays think they're hot poop because they can rack up the kills on games like Call of Duty and Halo against us "noobs"....go beat Ghost 'N Goblins or Contra for the NES (without using any cheats) and then I'll give you the props you think you deserve.

By the way, why is being considered a "noob" a bad thing...we all had to crawl before we could walk? Sooner or later we'll all get to the post-noob stage of our gaming lifestyle, of course some more later then sooner, but it will eventually happen.

Thinking back on it, the first time I heard the word noobs was when I was playing Call of Duty online...and I mistakenly thought they said "boobs" and I got all excited thinking I was going to see some silicone weapons of mass distraction.....I thought for a second that someone had a Pamela Anderson skin. I found out after the match that I was wrong, when I received a voice message from some kid telling me how I lost the game for him and I should burn in H E double hockey sticks for it.

It is also inevitable that we'll all revert back to noobs someday, like it or not it's just the way things are. Technology is constantly evolving and what is current to you now, will someday be a relic to the new generation of me on this, I've been there. Remember the circle of life, well this is the circle of gaming...just without all the catchy music from Elton John.

For us older gamers the hobby pretty much mirrors life. We went from a noob, to a strong and efficient gamer, then right back to a noob with this current generation. It's similar to being an infant in diapers, then growing up and sporting big boy shorts, only to grow old and be back to wearing's just not fair.

Mark my words youngins' all of you who think you're hot poop, within the next few generations of kids and gaming you'll all be noobs again too. So the moral of the story is this, next time you see a noob don't teabag him, help him across the street....because one day you'll be there too.