Tuesday, April 30, 2013

“My PS3…”

My best friend almost died on me…he saw the light…just lucky for me it wasn’t the yellow light of death. I was able to revive him…bring him back from the dead…but unfortunately he is not the same. He has forgotten our whole time together…the years of quality time we spent together all down the drain…he is like a stranger now.

My PS3 had some corrupted files on it…and I tried all the tricks to avoid having to erase his memory like I was one of the Men in Black…but nothing worked, so I had to pull the plug…or in this case push the button…I had to format him.

When all was said and done he powered back up…and I was happy…but then I become sad…everything was different. It was like he grew up…became a man…and then went all Benjamin Button on me…now he has to grow up all over again.

Now I have to re-teach him everything…I have to start from scratch. I had to hold back the tears when I put games in him that I know he was all too familiar with and now he’s lost…it really broke my heart. Updates…loads…and re-downloads…not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

I do love the advancements in technology…the cyber gods have been good to us gamers…they have blessed us with many wonderful gifts…but I just wish there was a way to “save our saves” when something like this happens. I know we have to whole cloud thing…and we could always back up our data onto a USB…but we shouldn’t have to take the extra steps and/or pay for this service…it should just happen.

This whole ordeal has really made me miss the days of memory cards…or even save codes that were made up of over twenty characters and included numbers, letters and symbols like back in the NES days. Sure those codes where annoying…you had to keep track of the paper you wrote them on…and you had to make sure you were able to decipher an “I” from a “1” and a “O” from a “0”…but at least if something happened to the console itself you didn’t have to start completely over again.

I also miss the days when if a game didn’t work all you had to do was Monica Lewinsky it (blow it) and it would start working again…no formats…no overheating…and no corrupted files. The NES was a real beast…it was like Timex…it takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

I guess I should be happy because I’m still able to play with him without having to pay any outrageous medical (repair) bills…but it just sucks putting in a game that you’ve spent countless hours on and now having to start over again.

Pour some Mountain Dew out for my friend…the old him will be greatly missed…and never forgotten.


Saturday, April 27, 2013

“Why I Love Video Games...”

Not only because they are fun and kick donkey...but because the lifestyle is made up of so many diverse and wonderful people. It doesn't matter your sex, age, ethnicity, sexual preference, how you dress, etc...it also doesn't matter if you have a spiritual faith or not, Democrat or Republican or even what sports team you like...once video games come around all those differences that would normally keep us apart go away and our love of video games shines through.

You know what, maybe if more people in the world played video games we would finally see world peace...the rest of the world doesn't hate us and our way of life, they just hate the fact that we don't invite them over to get down with some video games.

Not only should we drop food and medicine to the people in need in other countries, but we should also drop an NES and a wide assortment of games for them to play...we need to start them off slow, can't go and drop off an Xbox 360 or a PS3 and expect them not to freak out and nerd rage all over us. We thought we nerd raged bad when we were younger...we haven't seen anything yet...these bastard have bomb belts and AK-47s!

Sure there will always be fanboys...but now if my idea worked, we wouldn't have them around for too long...because they would all be blowing themselves up in the name of their system. They believe that if you die a martyrs death that you go to the great video game console in the sky (fanboys choice of course as to which console that is) and have all the games ever made for that particular system.

We could also have someone re-record John Lennon's "Give Peace a Chance" to something like "Give Princess Peach a Chance".

See what I mean about how video games bring us together...look at all this love...isn't it great. We should all get together and have a big group hug...just as long as I'm not in the middle...I would hate for it to turn into a circle jerk session.


Wednesday, April 24, 2013

“I'm Calling You Out...”

Outside that is!

Now I know the world can be a scary place…especially if all you know are video games…but it can also be a lot of fun too. I just have a few things to go over with you before you step outside the front door.

The graphics are going to be better than anything you’ve ever seen…so try not to freak out. The bright glowing orb in the sky is not a power button, so please don't try to turn it off…your eyes will adjust in a minute or so. I must also warn you that more often than not, the gameplay and storyline are going to suck…but that is not a reason to go running back inside.

When it comes to communicating with others…out here people's names don't appear over their heads, you must talk to them to find out what their “gamertag” is. Please remember… if you want to speak to someone out here in the real world you have to make eye contact with them and speak without using internet slang (and a mic)…and it’s a good idea to physically laugh when someone says something funny instead of just saying “LOL”…that’s just strange.

If someone says something nice to you and/or does something nice for you there is no “like” button to show them you appreciate it and/or agree…you must actually tell them. There is also no message box that pops up to let you know when your friends (and I use that term loosely) are outside…here you have to do a little leg work if you want to find out that information.

I can guarantee you won't find anyone named KillerDeathSlayer27 out here either, so don’t sweat it if your name is just Bob…that’s alright. Also, the mailman is not an enemy soldier; don't try to knife him…that would be very bad.

Don’t try to stomp on people’s heads that you don’t get along with…they don’t like that…and they’ll probably end up beating you down. So you know…if you happen to go to prison…you won’t find a princess there...that is unless that is what Bubba calls you while you're holding onto his belt loop...so stay out of trouble.

There are no giant floating coins for you to collect either…you must get a job if you want to buy things…like groceries and clothes…not potions and swords…I know it sucks but we all have to do it.

Finally, stay out of the road…if you get hit there is no respawn…it’s game over…like for real…no more lives.


Monday, April 22, 2013

“What the Poop”

I don't know if this is true or not, but someone told me that some companies are contemplating getting rid of the paper game manuals that come with the games. I'm pretty sure all the games I've purchased as of late have a manual inside, but the day I open a game and see that the left side of the case is barren, I just may cry.

As crazy as it sounds I don't really read the manuals prior to playing the games, they are saved for a more important occasion. When I don't have the latest issue of my favorite gaming magazine available they do come in handy when I'm in a pinch. Now by pinch, of course I "do" mean pinching a loaf...yes, I admit it…I read them when I'm on the thrown…and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Haven't used one to wipe just yet, but I'm sure if I'm ever without the proper equipment and there's mud on the flaps, I may just have to.

Besides the paper manuals have been a staple in the gaming world since as far back as I can remember and getting rid of them would be a sin. Am I the only one who thinks this, does anyone else feel my pain?

Speaking of pooping and all the fun things that go along with it...

I'm not normally one to drop the kids off at a public pool, if you know what I mean (using a public restroom). However, this past weekend we were out and I had to go really bad, to put it bluntly I was prairie dogging it and if I didn't find relief soon I would have blown the back of my pants out with a poop bomb.

So I clinched my cheeks firmly together and wobbled into the restroom, making sure not to have any leakage along the way, and proceeded to drop off my cargo when I docked. Shortly after the first drop, plop and splash I realized I was stinking up the joint, so I turned around and reached for the handle to do a courtesy flush.

To my dismay I noticed it was one of those automatic flushing toilets and I was poop out of luck (pardon the pun); well unless I wanted to hop off the seat with my full moon hanging out in all its glory to make the toilet believe I was done.
I even tried to move side to side like a running back trying to avoid being tackled with the hopes tricking the toilet into thinking I was off the seat so it would flush, but that didn't work out all that well...all I did was leave poop smears on the toilet seat.

Needless to say, I tried to quickly finish up so I could get out of there before anyone else came in and smelt what I dealt...which thankfully I managed to do.

In my opinion, this is one time where technology did us wrong, they should have just left well enough alone. I love the advancements in technology when it comes to my video games, but please for gosh darn sakes, leave my toilets alone! Say goodbye to the courtesy flush people, it's a thing of the past...thanks to all these eggheads.

Speaking of using a public restroom...

Am I the only one who feels he needs to have his butt sandblasted after dropping the kids off at a public pool? I always get the heeby jeebies when I have to sit on a toilet seat that I know has been around the block more times than Wilt Chamberlin.

I spend about five minutes or so just trying to wipe the gosh darn thing down…all the while hoping I don't poop myself. Also, those stupid paper seat covers aren't with a damn either, they slide all over the place and when you go to stand up they hang off you like a wedding dress' train…what’s up with that.

OK I'm done talking poop...I know it's probably TMI, but what can I say, I like to be upfront and honest.


Sunday, April 21, 2013

“Is This Bad; is My Life (as a Man) Over as I Know it”

Last night I was hanging out with my girlfriend (believe it or not I actually have one...and it's not the blow up kind either) watching a little TV. After the show we were watching was over, we decided to try the game we just picked up, which was You Don’t Know Jack. We played a few matches and she won most of them, honestly I wasn’t really too concerned with the outcome because I always knew she was smarter than me...which is pretty much the case for any other couple too.

I then figured, let’s play something that I knew for sure I would beat her in, so I put in Marvel vs. Capcom 3. As silly as it sounds, I wanted to end the night with both of us knowing I was the superior gamer out of the two of us...and the pants wearer in the family

So I’m standing there beating on my chest like I was Tarzan and she was Jane as I popped in the disc. I sat beside her on the couch and it was on, we picked our fighters and we were off, and I was feeling pretty confident that I was about to administer a butt whooping. The fight starts and at first we’re pretty even, then out of nowhere my first guy is knocked out, then the second, finally the third falls...I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

After the match, she let out this little school girl like giggle and said “you let me win” and of course me being the gentleman I am, I agreed. I had to redeem myself so we went again, this time I won but not by much. She suggested we do best two out of three, I thought in my head I didn’t want to take any more chances, so I tried a Jedi mind trick on her. I waived my hand in front of her face, telling her we already played three times and I won twice, so I was the ultimate winner.

I could tell she wasn’t really buying it, so I turned the system off in a huff and went it to the bedroom, of course with my tail between my legs...and now wearing the dress. I know for the most part Marvel vs. Capcom 3 is a button masher, but come on, this was like something out of the Twilight Zone...she doesn’t even play video games that often.

I don’t mind losing to a girl, but not to one who asks me to hand her the joystick (get your mind out of the gutter) instead of a controller.


Friday, April 19, 2013

“Uh Oh, They May be Right, I Think I’ve Been Influenced.”

Help me…I need a place to hide the cops are after me…I just dropped a giant burger patty on someone after playing Burgertime and I think I may have killed them…I swear, they looked like a giant egg.

Also, as I was playing Gauntlet for the NES…my character Thor (the warrior) was getting mauled by all those bastard enemies and feeling almost dead…he then ran into a ham dinner and felt a lot better. Now I myself was feeling almost dead and pretty worn out from the night before, so realizing the healing powers of the ham dinner I started craving it.

After playing Ghosts N' Goblins I got arrested for indecent exposure…because I was running through the graveyard in my boxer shorts breaking up tombstones. I also once got arrested for jumping on people's heads and trying to escape by jumping down toilets…and before you ask…yes there was mushrooms involved.

I then realized I was just influenced by a video game and I started to panic! It starts with craving ham because of Gauntlet and then I'll want to play football because of Madden or worse yet…deliver newspapers like Paperboy!

Does anyone know if there's some sort of "anonymous" meeting for this kind of thing, you know like what the alcoholics have? What is one to do…I don’t want “them” to know they’re right…because then they’ll take away all my games and leave me with nothing but books…we all know I can’t do words…especially the big ones…like anything five letters or more.

I feel as if I'm trying to conceal the fact that I'm a werewolf and the full moon is about to show its face. I'm not talking about the sexy Twilight kind of werewolf either, I mean the older out of shape kind, and where the only way I could jump up in the air was if I had a trampoline…or a jetpack!

I don’t know…should I just pretend this never happened…just keep it all to myself…or should I face the music and tell everyone “they” were right. Do you think they’ll let me slide…give me one more chance…or just lock me in an asylum and throw away the key.

Am I a lost cause…is playing video games going to land me in jail…what will they make me do next. Is there a medication or something I can take to counteract the effects of these powerful manipulators…or am I just screwed?

They just speak to me…tell me to do things…they are like my mom or something…but without the cigs and the beard.


Thursday, April 18, 2013

“Are We Spoiled as Gamers, Do We Expect Too Much Out of Our Games”

I grew up in a generation where there wasn't intelligent AI…you could pretty much master any game once you had the timing down.

As far as graphics were concerned…there wasn't anything mind blowing and/or really all the visually appealing…honestly you could build most, if not all the games characters/landscapes with your Legos if you wanted to.

There was no Hollywood quality plotlines either…we had the typical good vs. evil…march forward and save the princess and/or sometimes even save the world from some kind of impending doom.

Pretty much every game had the same core gameplay mechanics too; which was to be expected seeing how the controllers only had two buttons and a D pad/joystick.

It was just a matter of who had the flashier packaging…most likely they would be the one getting your money in the end.

You know something though; all things considered we had a lot of fun with what we did have and what also seemed like a lot less complaining.

I read reviews all the time before I purchase a game…just to make sure I'm making an informed decision…new or used it doesn't matter. I even started writing a few myself, but I found I was dissecting the games I was playing more than I was enjoying the game for what it was. That's why I put the reviewing thing on hold…because I wanted to get back to the care free days when games were played for fun…not played to rate.

It was as if I was playing games like a college professor would grade his students term papers…I was looking for its flaws and short comings and also its successes and shining moments…so I could grade it appropriately…instead of playing it in the manner of a child enjoying his new toy.

Case in point, my girlfriend bought me Mind Jack because she overheard me talking about…so she figured I wanted it. With the mindset that the game was horrible based on all the reviews I read…but not wanting to risk hurting her feelings…I decided to give it a try.

I'm not going to lie to you, the first thing I did while I was playing through the first few levels was critique everything…after realizing I wasn't playing the game for fun but as a means to tear it apart I took a break from it. After coming to conclusion I did I decided to start the game over and play not with the mind of a critic but with one of a person who enjoys gaming as an outlet and a way to relax.

Now the game didn't blow me a way and I didn't have a winning the lotto moment, but I did have fun and truthfully the game isn't as bad as I was lead to believe.

I'm not saying every game is worth picking up at full price…that's a given. I'm also not saying we don't have the right to complain and/or voice our opinions over poor quality…but do you think as a whole we are expecting too much from our games?

We expect all FPS to be of Call of Duty caliber, all MMOs to be WoW and all action adventure titles to be like Uncharted and/or Gears of War? I know the titles I listed aren't for everyone, but I'm sure we call all agree they are at the top of their game when it comes to their respected genres.

Because of the aforementioned titles, plus many others, do we expect a masterpiece every time we put the disc in the system? Do you avoid games because of negative reviews, or do you actually try them for yourself…whether it is when they are first released or even when they hit the used market?

I don't know about you, but a so called crappy game becomes a lot less crappy when I pick it up for about two thirds off the original price…for example Quantum Theory…a game in my opinion that was judged before a trial…just because it resemble the Gears of Wars series.

It's a great time to be a gamer…we have the internet which is a plethora of information to help us to be better informed and to make more sound decisions, the used game market is flourishing which allows us to pick up more titles at cheaper prices which in turn lessens the overall risk and of course video games are so much more mainstream then they were back in the day that the big retailers are competing amongst themselves for our sales dollars…with the outcome being in our favor with better sales and incentives on newer titles.

I'm not saying we as consumers shouldn't want to get out monies worth out of our purchases, whether it be $60 new or $10 used. What I am saying is…are we expecting every game to be a five out of five?

A three or four out of five could be worth your money too…and sometimes even more so…but if it's not a five we just don't think it's not worth it. For example, I loved the game Dark Sector…it wasn’t really all that well received when it was originally released…I was lucky enough to pick it up used at a very good price but honestly if I did paid full retail I still would have loved it.


Monday, April 15, 2013

“These Young Punks Nowadays Think They're All That”

My cousin (15) and his friend (18) came over my house last night to hang out…considering that we're all gamers we made ourselves comfortable right in from of the TV…me being a gracious host I decided to let them play while I watched.

Every game they wanted to play I already played, so I would always caution them that it wasn't a walk in the park…at least for me it wasn’t…and I thought I was the poop…so if I had trouble with it, they would definitely have trouble with it.

Then after playing they would always tell me…it wasn't that hard. At first I thought maybe it wasn't, then after a few more I realized these some beaches were trying to show me up…playing me for a noob.

They started talking about playing online…and I wasn’t down with that because whenever I play online, regardless of what game it is, I get destroyed. I also get cursed out by someone who sounds as if they just sucked the helium out of a balloon…for either making their team lose or by killing them with the "noob tube". There's times that I forget my name was Michael and I start thinking it was F face… because of all the nasty messages I receive.

I then decided to take a trip down memory lane with them and let them know when I was their age I could kick arse at video games too. Getting older makes it a little different and if I knew them back then I would have schooled them proper like.

They looked at me like I had two heads, like they couldn't believe there was video games back then…like I grew up on the prairie or something…like I chilled with Laura Ingalls.

Needless to say at the end of our time together I felt like having a Three Stooges moment with them…with me of course being Moe.....Nyuck, Nyuck, Nyuck.

By the way, these are the same punks who thought Steven Tyler got his start on American Idol......kids nowadays. Those gosh darn whippersnappers…those youngins' and their rebel without a clue attitude…now get off my lawn!


“E-president For Cyberspace”

We should have an e-president for cyberspace...someone who would over promise and under deliver...just like in the real world.

Someone who would make promises to clean up spam, keep idiots off of mics when gaming online and inflict harsher (if any) penalties for people who hack, send viruses to others online and/or teabag people on Halo...then keep none of them.

Someone who will make sure when you're talking to a woman online...it's really a woman…and not some big fat greasy nasty guy living in his mom's basements eating tacos and burritos all day.

They would also promise to make all porn free...that is just until they got into office…then they would jack up the prices and blame it on the “price per barrel”...or something like that.

Their fundraising campaigns could consist of ad banners all over webpages, instant messages filled with all those cute (and very annoying) emoticons and they could interrupt our multiplayer matches and our porn searches with their speeches (lies) to entice people to vote for them.

They could use that cool internet/text lingo all the kids are using nowadays to connect with the people and to stay fresh...they could say something like , "Don't vote for that noob, he's a boob LOL...vote 4 me because I <3 U...BRB".

They could have their own channels on YouTube to spread their nonsense and propaganda...like FoxNews "fair and balanced" bull dooty!

We could also have political alliances, similar to console fanboys...we'll have the Xboxers and the PS3ers which would be our equivalent to Democrats and Republicans...the PCers could be the Independent Party.

You could cast your vote for the candidate of your choice by using "Like" buttons...which would totally eliminate any hanging chads.


You know what...thinking about it...let's keep politics out of the internet altogether...move along, there's nothing to see here!


Friday, April 12, 2013

“My Two Girls, the Next Generation of Gamers”

I’m molding my little girls (9 and 11) into gamers...I kind of feel like I’m Mickey and they’re Rocky, “you're gonna eat lightning and crap thunder”…I’m keeping the dream alive. They have such potential…they can already out do me on some of these games…which I know isn’t really saying much, but it’s true.

We just hooked up the PS1 in their room and just like with McDonalds… they're loving it. I literally had to pull them away from the television when it was time to call it quits…it brought back such fond memories of when I was a little GIT (gamer in training).

I even saw a little bit of nerd rage in them...granted it was very minor compared to how I use to rage…but nevertheless it was there…and I was so proud. It was very nice to see that the nut…and I use that term literally…didn’t fall far from the tree.

They already know the little tricks of the trade, like for example unplugging their opponents controller if they are beating them, to give them a chance to catch up and/or surpass them…pulling a move off in a fighting game and when asked how they did it they respond, “I don’t know, I just keep hitting buttons” while the whole time they keep using the said move over and over again during the match…and of course the old “I’m not playing with you anymore, you’re cheating” as they slam the controller down and storm off.

I’m not really sure what I’m going to do the first time I see a controller fly through the air because the game “cheated” …but all I can say is I may be yelling and acting like a responsible adult on the outside…but on the inside I’m going to be such a proud papa.

We gamers have to keep the hobby alive...too many people talking all kinds of poop about us gamers and the games we play. We have to set the record straight and show them it’s not the games and/or the gamers causing all the problems… it’s the crazy ass people who would do something nutty even if they were just playing hopscotch.

My little chick-a-dees are both straight “A” students and very much aware of fact and fiction…I don’t tell you this to brag…even though I am…I tell you this because it’s all about the person behind the controller…not what’s in the disc tray.

I will be gaming until I’m six feet under…and now with my girls following in my footsteps it’s good to see that I will have someone to couch co-op with…I just hope that if I have to drop a stinky in my Depends while they’re sitting next to me that they won’t abandon me.

Also, all you “hardcore” gamers out there in cyberspace don’t have to worry…I already filled them in on the finer points of playing online…so when they are ready (notice I didn’t say old enough, because it’s not an age thing, it’s a mental thing) to game online they won’t be causing any problems…they will be keeping it real and filling body bags with the best of them.



Wednesday, April 10, 2013


I bought Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days a couple of days ago at my local Wal-Mart…it was cheap and I was looking for something new to play…so I figured why not. Honestly I tried the demo and didn't really care for it…I also heard from many people that it sucked…but since I had some money burning a hole in my pocket and I had to do something with it, I figured it was either the game or more snacks that I (and my waist) didn't need…so I went with the game.

After a couple of days went by and me coming to my senses I considered returning the game based on how I felt about the demo to get my money back. However, I then remembered I was lazy and I didn't want to waste the gas, so I just decided I would just try it.

Thinking if the game actually sucked as bad as I recalled from the demo, then I would only be out a few dollars. I know that's a stupid thing to say considering that I'm not really banking or anything but I'm not really known for making smart decisions with my money…hence buying a KIA back in the day.

Anyway after playing the game I was pleasantly surprised, it really wasn't all that bad. I wouldn't say it's worth dropping everything and running out to the store to pick it up, but if you're looking for something new to play and you have a few extra dollars laying around then go for it.

The reason for this post isn't to discuss what kind of game Kane and Lynch 2 is, it's about how a bad demo can really ruin the overall bottom line for a game. I try a lot of demos before I buy a game and depending on how I feel about the demo when all is said and done determines whether or not I will buy the game new, used or just forego it all together. It's similar to a movie company releasing a bad trailer for a movie, for the most part based on my feelings towards the trailer, determines if I'll see the movie or not.

I started thinking…I've played and liked games even though the demos sucked, two examples that come to mind is of course Kane and Lynch 2 and the other being F.E.A.R. 2. I wonder how many games I missed out on playing because of bad demos, I know it's probably not many but I'm sure there has been some just like the two aforementioned titles.

Has anyone else experienced this or am I the only one who plays demos? Granted I got these games for a lot cheaper than regular price but I feel as if I missed out on their glory days. I know it's not really a big deal, but the type of person I am, I enjoy talking about things when they are still relevant so I can be involved in all the hoopla.


Tuesday, April 9, 2013

“Feeling Embarrassed Buying a Video Game”

Have you ever been embarrassed to purchase a video game because of its content, name or even cover art?

A friend of mind recommended Onechanbabra: Bikini Samurai Squad for the Xbox 360 when I first purchased the system, because of its price and surprisingly decent gameplay…so he said. When it comes to video games his recommendations are normally pretty good, he told me about No More Heroes when I first purchased my Wii and that game was great, so I figured I would trust him on this one.

After speaking with him I stopped by my local used video game store to pick up the game, not really sure what to expect. Other than the title sounding kind of out there, I wasn't really thinking anything of it. I walked in the store and started to browse, I come across the game and after viewing the cover I started to feel a little embarrassed. Based on the cover alone, it looks like some sort of Anime style Playboy! Just to make sure I was getting the right game, I took a picture of it and sent it to my friend to confirm that this was in fact the game he was speaking of. He replied back and confirmed it was, told me not to worry and just buy it.

I started heading to the counter, holding the game close and looking around to make sure no one was watching me, I felt as if I was buying condoms or a dirty magazine. When I approached the counter I laid the game face down so the person next to me couldn't see what I was buying. Then just my luck the halfwit behind the counter holds up the game as to announce it to the store what I was buying and tells me he has to run in the back to get it for me. From the moment he left I didn't make eye contact with anyone, I felt really hot because I knew I was blushing and I didn't want to see all those convicting stares.

After all was said and done the clerk asks me if I want a bag, I said of course I want a bag and preferably a paper bag so people could see through it. While I was leaving, I still had the feeling that everyone I came across knew I just bought some kind of smut, so I rushed home with a quickness, as if the police were after me!

I even disconnected my Xbox from going online when I first played it, because I didn't want my friends to know I got it! Now that all is said and done, besides the lead characters running around in bikinis, it's really not all that bad of a game for the price...and it's not as smutty as I first thought either.


Monday, April 8, 2013

“Crazy Video Game Related Stories”

The other day while I was out I overheard these two kids talking…one said to the other…"I can't believe you would do that to me and after I took a bullet for you". Now, I don't normally eavesdrop...I swear I don't...but after hearing something like that I just had to find out what was going on.

These kids were only about fifteen or so and as white as Casper the friendly ghost so it struck me as odd...not that white kids from the burbs can't be gang bangers and all…but c'mon man…these two gits were about as hard as a roll of Charmin.

There was no doubt in my mind that if either of these two were in prison they would be hanging on to some big dudes belt loop and calling him daddy...and occasionally being sold for cigs.

I'm not trying to sound stereotypical but these two kids weren't exactly what you would picture in your mind when you thought of gang bangers and they certainly weren't old enough to be in any wars…so I knew something was out of sorts.

Wanting to find out the rest of the story, thinking maybe these two were Columbine survivors or something like that, I asked him what he meant.

He proceeded to inform that last night while playing Call of Duty online he let an enemy opponent kill him so his friend could escape…can you believe that crap. What is going on with kids nowadays…are they all crazy…or am I just an old fogey?

Needless to say I couldn't even respond…at least in a civil manner…so I just gave myself a facepalm and walked away with a quickness.


Wednesday, April 3, 2013

“Please Help This Noob, I Think I'm Facing a Form of E-Peer Pressure”

I was playing Call of Duty multiplayer a few days back and right when I was about to sign off and call it a night I received a message.
After investigating it a little…only because I didn't recognize the person who sent it…I found it to be someone I just played with.
Now it was a voice message, so I made sure no one was around when I listened to it because I figured it was someone about to go off on me for sucking really bad and ruining their life.
Once the room was clear I played the message and strangely enough it wasn't someone going off on me…it was someone who seemed to have sucked all the helium from a balloon right before recording it…asking me if I wanted to join a "boost lobby".
I wasn’t exactly sure what a "boost lobby" was and if I should have been concerned…I picture it is the equivalent of taking e-steroids or some other kind of performance enhancing drug…but I just wasn’t sure.

Did I do the right thing by alerting the proper authorities and forwarding him a link to the "this is your brain on drugs" commercial? I thought about even calling in McGruff the Crime Dog to take a bite out of this cyber-crime…but I figured that would be overkill so I passed on it.
Someone told me it was a form of cheating…a way to rank up your player without actually playing the game the way it was intended to be played…a quick and easy way to unlock everything in the game.
Now I know I'm old…and even a little short bus…but I just don't get it…why do that? To me that sounds extremely boring and a waste of good gaming time…besides why would I cheat…so I can have an asterisk by my name in the record books like Mark Mcgwire…no way man…not me…no how!
I guess the bottom line is if we're going to play games like Call of Duty online we need to learn to live with it or move on. Granted it does suck but we all know bitching about it doesn't help…well that's not entirely true…it does keep us from walking into a McDonalds and going postal.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

"Cyberspace...Gangsta Style"

Have you noticed that there seems to be somewhat of a turf war going on when it comes to video games...you would have to be blind not to?

South Central L.A. has its Bloods and Crips and we have the Xbox and PS3 fanboys.

The Bloods and the Crips have their colors, red and blue which they wear proudly and so do the Xbox and PS3 fanboys, green and black.

The Bloods and Crips use weapons to cause chaos and destruction...the Xbox and PS3 fanboys use controllers and harsh texts to do their dirty work, which is also known as a "driveby stupidity" for all you noobs out there. When you hear the keys of the keyboard clicking away you best be ducking fool...pop pop like some rolled up bubble wrap.

Also all groups act anonymously...behind the guise of codenames...or gamertags...to avoid repercussions.

I'm just saying maybe with the advancement of technology throughout the years the Bloods and the Crips took to the computers and hit cyberspace...with global warming and all...bullets aren't the only thing they need to be worried about; they could also get a wicked sunburn followed by skin cancer by hanging out in the streets all day if they're not careful.

Now we all know that most Bloods and Crips can handle their own business…and really kick some ass if necessary…and most gamers if caught cussing…will get their mouths washed out with soap and their asses beat by their parent who are right upstairs…but besides that  they are almost identical…a mirror image of each other.

We all know the police won't do anything to stop this war because either they don't know...don't show...or don't care about what's going on at Gamestop. Pour some liquor out!

The Wii fanboys could be the L.A.P.D. they could use the Wii remote as their night sticks...considering that the Wii is "da man" I think it's only suiting...wouldn't you say?

Maybe when all is said and done we'll have a gangsta rapper do a song about us.