Friday, April 19, 2013

“Uh Oh, They May be Right, I Think I’ve Been Influenced.”

Help me…I need a place to hide the cops are after me…I just dropped a giant burger patty on someone after playing Burgertime and I think I may have killed them…I swear, they looked like a giant egg.

Also, as I was playing Gauntlet for the NES…my character Thor (the warrior) was getting mauled by all those bastard enemies and feeling almost dead…he then ran into a ham dinner and felt a lot better. Now I myself was feeling almost dead and pretty worn out from the night before, so realizing the healing powers of the ham dinner I started craving it.

After playing Ghosts N' Goblins I got arrested for indecent exposure…because I was running through the graveyard in my boxer shorts breaking up tombstones. I also once got arrested for jumping on people's heads and trying to escape by jumping down toilets…and before you ask…yes there was mushrooms involved.

I then realized I was just influenced by a video game and I started to panic! It starts with craving ham because of Gauntlet and then I'll want to play football because of Madden or worse yet…deliver newspapers like Paperboy!

Does anyone know if there's some sort of "anonymous" meeting for this kind of thing, you know like what the alcoholics have? What is one to do…I don’t want “them” to know they’re right…because then they’ll take away all my games and leave me with nothing but books…we all know I can’t do words…especially the big ones…like anything five letters or more.

I feel as if I'm trying to conceal the fact that I'm a werewolf and the full moon is about to show its face. I'm not talking about the sexy Twilight kind of werewolf either, I mean the older out of shape kind, and where the only way I could jump up in the air was if I had a trampoline…or a jetpack!

I don’t know…should I just pretend this never happened…just keep it all to myself…or should I face the music and tell everyone “they” were right. Do you think they’ll let me slide…give me one more chance…or just lock me in an asylum and throw away the key.

Am I a lost cause…is playing video games going to land me in jail…what will they make me do next. Is there a medication or something I can take to counteract the effects of these powerful manipulators…or am I just screwed?

They just speak to me…tell me to do things…they are like my mom or something…but without the cigs and the beard.


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