Monday, April 22, 2013

“What the Poop”

I don't know if this is true or not, but someone told me that some companies are contemplating getting rid of the paper game manuals that come with the games. I'm pretty sure all the games I've purchased as of late have a manual inside, but the day I open a game and see that the left side of the case is barren, I just may cry.

As crazy as it sounds I don't really read the manuals prior to playing the games, they are saved for a more important occasion. When I don't have the latest issue of my favorite gaming magazine available they do come in handy when I'm in a pinch. Now by pinch, of course I "do" mean pinching a loaf...yes, I admit it…I read them when I'm on the thrown…and I'm sure I'm not alone in this. Haven't used one to wipe just yet, but I'm sure if I'm ever without the proper equipment and there's mud on the flaps, I may just have to.

Besides the paper manuals have been a staple in the gaming world since as far back as I can remember and getting rid of them would be a sin. Am I the only one who thinks this, does anyone else feel my pain?

Speaking of pooping and all the fun things that go along with it...

I'm not normally one to drop the kids off at a public pool, if you know what I mean (using a public restroom). However, this past weekend we were out and I had to go really bad, to put it bluntly I was prairie dogging it and if I didn't find relief soon I would have blown the back of my pants out with a poop bomb.

So I clinched my cheeks firmly together and wobbled into the restroom, making sure not to have any leakage along the way, and proceeded to drop off my cargo when I docked. Shortly after the first drop, plop and splash I realized I was stinking up the joint, so I turned around and reached for the handle to do a courtesy flush.

To my dismay I noticed it was one of those automatic flushing toilets and I was poop out of luck (pardon the pun); well unless I wanted to hop off the seat with my full moon hanging out in all its glory to make the toilet believe I was done.
I even tried to move side to side like a running back trying to avoid being tackled with the hopes tricking the toilet into thinking I was off the seat so it would flush, but that didn't work out all that well...all I did was leave poop smears on the toilet seat.

Needless to say, I tried to quickly finish up so I could get out of there before anyone else came in and smelt what I dealt...which thankfully I managed to do.

In my opinion, this is one time where technology did us wrong, they should have just left well enough alone. I love the advancements in technology when it comes to my video games, but please for gosh darn sakes, leave my toilets alone! Say goodbye to the courtesy flush people, it's a thing of the past...thanks to all these eggheads.

Speaking of using a public restroom...

Am I the only one who feels he needs to have his butt sandblasted after dropping the kids off at a public pool? I always get the heeby jeebies when I have to sit on a toilet seat that I know has been around the block more times than Wilt Chamberlin.

I spend about five minutes or so just trying to wipe the gosh darn thing down…all the while hoping I don't poop myself. Also, those stupid paper seat covers aren't with a damn either, they slide all over the place and when you go to stand up they hang off you like a wedding dress' train…what’s up with that.

OK I'm done talking poop...I know it's probably TMI, but what can I say, I like to be upfront and honest.


No comments:

Post a Comment