Sunday, July 21, 2013

“Where Have All the Arcades Gone”

No this isn’t a new song by Paula Cole…she’s still wondering where all the cowboys went…well at least I think she is, I haven’t really heard much from her lately.

Anyway…picture it, Sicily...oh sorry wrong picture it. Actually it was New Jersey during the 80's, but Sicily sounded so much better.

Okay, picture it New Jersey…

Arcades were the place to be, gamers actually get together to play games and hangout…there was real psychical contact between the players and not just an invite to join a multiplayer match and/or a notification that he/she was online.

We played together and against each other, the whole time never teabagging one another and/or shooting up the place because we lost at a game. There was lots of competition, trash talking and momma jokes but when all was said and done we were still all friends.

We didn’t need headphone and mics to play multiplayer, because the people we were playing with were right next to us…I know that’s a scary thought for you “life noobs” out there, but trust me it’s wasn’t that bad. We caould laugh at what people said with having to say LOL and we could step away without having to say BRB.

Back then we didn't have the technology we do today when it came to home gaming, not that our systems weren’t great for the time, but for the most part when it came to graphics you couldn’t tell the difference between an enemy and a bush and as far as gameplay was concerned it was all about timing nothing more.

If we wanted to play the latest games with the best graphics you had to head to the local arcade with a pocket full of quarters and a handful of Pixy Stix (because there was no such thing as energy drinks back then).

I know with today's technology it's hard for arcades to compete, but they were a lot of fun and an incredible experience. It’s unfortunate that most so-called arcades of today have full grown adults running around in costumes serving pizza to kids and/or they have like three machines (two of which are Pac-man and Ms. Pac-man) that they try to pass off as an arcade…what a shame.

Now I know that there are a few places around where you could go to get your gaming fix, but for the most part they are just a not what they used to be, they are a pale shadow of their former selves, nothing like they were back in their glory days. Kids today heard of them but never really seen one just like the dinosaurs, fresh air and girlfriends.

There was glam rock playing in the background, the stench of hairspray and Old Spice in the air and jean jackets and mullets all over the place, but boy was it a blast. What a pity that you gits of today will never experience the phenomenon known as the arcade, you have no idea what you’re missing out on.


Sunday, July 7, 2013

"Walkthroughs, Strategy Guides and/or Any Other Means of Help…"

Am I the only one who doesn't like to use walkthroughs, strategy guides and/or any other means of so-called help (**cough** cheating **cough**) when playing video games? Playing video games using methods such as these is like being a professional wrestler, sure you’re in the match but when all is said and done did you really accomplish anything worthwhile…besides manhandling another sweaty dude in his underwear.

Now I'm talking about on my first play through, the second time around, have at it and cheat like Tiger Woods did on his wife...or like the Republicans did in the 2000 election. I kid Republicans; I really love you, so please don't axe me...or leave me hanging like a chad!

I just like to play and beat the game on my own; it feels like I actually accomplished something when I do. I know there are people who claim it enhances the overall experience, and to those people I would say bull donkey (sorry for the profanities) you are just lazy, impatience and a girlyman (I can be pretty scrappy when I’m behind a keyboard).

I just never saw the reason, it's kind of like reading the book then seeing the movie...there's just no point. Honestly I don’t get the whole “reading” thing in the first place…not when there’s perfectly good movies out there…but to each their own I guess.

If you don’t want to play the game the way it was intended to be played, then why don’t you just watch someone else play from the sidelines…you can be the waterboy and/or even the cheering section. Think about it, it would be like watching a movie…you could have your bucket of butter-drenched popcorn in your lap and a super double gulp Mountain Dew by your side while you watch all the fun play out, and you wouldn’t even have to worry about getting the controller all greasy.

I'm not trying to condemn anyone who prefers this method, it's just not for please don't hate me for my opinion…or beat me up. As far as I’m concerned playing this way is like an unsharpened pencil…it’s pointless.

Another thing, the games of today award players achievements/trophies when they do something special in the game (for the most part anyway), so by using a guide and/or some other form of cheat kind of makes me feel like Milli Vanilli...or better yet Mark McGwire. Now I know people would be none the wiser when they checked out my achievements/trophies lists…but I would know and that’s all that matters.


Monday, July 1, 2013

“Video Games…the Superior Form of Entertainment”

Video games…the superior form of entertainment…and this is coming from an unbiased diehard hardcore gamer…so you better listen up and take notes people.

I personally enjoy a good video game to a good book/movie most of the time…and I know I can’t be alone in this.

Don't get me wrong I do enjoy a good movie/book every now and then but when it comes right down to it I would rather be playing video games in my down time than watching a movie or reading a book.

There's nothing like playing a good video game, and I'm not talking about games like Pong (even though Pong does rock), I'm talking about "AAA" titles such as Skyrim, The Last of Us and Bioshock Infinite. These games and many others will hook you in like as if you were a largemouth bass and they were a tasty little worm dancing on the end of a fisherman’s hook.

They will take over your life and make you their bitch…they are the drug and you are the addict…is it a healthy lifestyle, probably not…but what the heck you only live once. Forget marihuana, video games are the gateway dru....I mean medium…once you try them you’ll be serving them as your lord and master.

It's like a book and movie rolled into one, you get the visual appeal and the excitement of a movie and you get transcended into the games virtual world like you would if you were reading a book…what more can you ask for.

People also get deeply involved with their video games and emotionally attached just like as if they were a significant other, granted this relationship is more of one that you would see on an episode of COPS or Jerry Springer, but nevertheless it’s the truth.

You just don’t see people yelling and/or screaming at a book/movie and throwing it against the wall out of frustration like they do with video games. Now I’m not saying it wouldn’t be funny to see someone nerd rage over a Harry Potter book…but in all realty I just don’t see that happening. Readers are like hippies and gamers are like cavemen.

Of course there are times when I feel like sitting back and watching a good movie, full of action and hot actresses with huge weapons of mass distraction (and no I don’t mean pornos) just like any other red blooded American male…but the majority of the time I would rather be sitting on the couch with the controller in my hand killing some zombies or saving princesses.

To me a long movie can be torture, especially if it doesn’t have superheroes and/or lots of explosions in it, but I can play a video game for hours without even blinking an eye and/or getting up to drain the lizard or drop off the kids at the pool.

If movie theaters were smart they would drop the movies and start letting people play video games on those big screens…they would make a killing. They would also have to change up the food at the concession stands, forget popcorn and Milk Duds, we want stuff like Purplesaurus Rex, Blue Razz Berry Blow Pops and S'mores Pop Tarts…at least I do.

Now when it comes to books…to be honest, unless they have pictures (preferably of the nudey kind) I would rather pass. I’m not hating on books or anything…you won’t find me burning any of them on my front lawn…I just don’t have the patience for them and their words…thinking they’re better than me just because they can use words over five letters and crap.

So it goes without saying that books aren’t really my thing…now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I have never read one that I enjoyed, but for the most part I would probably have more fun if I used the pages to make paper airplanes and fortune tellers.  

If you’ve never tried playing video games…and I mean seriously playing video games, not just playing Farmville and/or Mafia Wars on Facebook and/or some game on your cell phone…then you don’t know what you’re missing. You are missing out on a lot of fun and you should really be ashamed of yourself (how’s the virtual peer pressure working on you).

I know it sounds crazy but what can I say, I'm a few eggs short of a we all know.