This is the story of a mild-mannered blogger, who while sitting at his desk eating donuts and tapping away on his keyboard and staring out the window, decided he had enough and was going to do something about it.
were getting more dangerous and the people were getting naughty, there was no
doubt they would be on Santa’s list and only be opening coal on Christmas morning.
Knowing something needed to be done he had no choice but to take matters into
his own hands.
He was an
awkward man in his late thirties; who could not tie his shoe without getting
winded, but he couldn’t let that stop him from doing what needed to be done. He
could not just sit idly by anymore and watch the world he knew and loved turn
into poop, something had to change.
were to get better he would have to become justice, he would have to become a
hope and he would have to be what criminals feared, he would have to become the
big scary guy in the prison shower looking to stick his man meat in-between
understood that if he was going to become this hero of the people that he would
have to protect his identity, not just for his sake, but also for his family
and friend’s. He read enough comic books to know that doing this would protect
his loved ones from all those baddies out there who would be looking to exact
revenge on him.
broke he had to improvise, so he slid his tighty whities down off of his
kiester and onto the floor, then over his head to conceal his identity. He used
the openings for the legs as eyeholes, and he poked his nose through the slit
in the front.
though, he had not wiped too well since the last time he used the bathroom, so
his undies were covered with shit streaks and emitted a foul stench….so that
was how he came to be known as Shit Streak!
his costume, because we all know he couldn’t just run around with underwear on
his head and his goods all exposed and flapping around like a fish out of
water, he stopped by his local thrift store to purchase the rest of his crime fighting
they were having a sale, so he was able to pick up a bed sheet to use as a
cape, a pair of used 80s gym shorts to protect his manhood, an “I’m with
Stupid” T-shirt and some cowboy boots all for a good price…and now that he was
all dressed, it was time to kick some donkey.
Sure I looked
like Richard Simmons on crack, and smelt like a porta-potty on a hot summer day
at a construction site, but it was all for the good of mankind…so it was worth
also took a black marker and drew an “S” on my shirt, but in this case it didn’t
stand for super. Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.
not be able see him lurking in the shadows, but they sure as hell will always
smell him coming, they will know what fear (and poop) smells like. The next
time you’re up to no good, and it starts smelling like someone just farted, you
better kiss your ass goodbye because Shit Streak is about to get jiggy with it.
Shit Streak never really has to fight anyone, because we all know he would get
his clock cleaned, all the so-called “bad boys” ran from him because they don’t
want to be touched by someone who runs around with shitty draws on his head.
knew that people need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and he
couldn’t do that as MJM. As a man, he is flesh and blood, he can be ignored, he
can be destroyed; but as a symbol... as a symbol he can be incorruptible, he
can be everlasting…at least that’s what Batman said in Batman Begins.
Due to all
the good deeds Shit Streak has done, he was invited to a convention…okay, not
really invited, but he was going to crash that bitch like nobody’s business
because he was Shit Streak!
into the room, strutting his stuff like he was the man, passing by all the
adult babies who were dressed up as their favorite comic book characters. The
crowd of nerds parted just like as if he was Moses and they were the Red Sea,
but not because they respected him, but because he smelled like stale shit.
time keeping an active eye on the crowd, and the booth babes, making sure there
was no troublemakers and/or hot chick cosplay cleavage. Then out of nowhere he
spotted her, no not his true love, but the woman who was known as Alaskan Girl.
right away that it was a match made in hell, and by hell, I mean the hell that
all those slimy criminals will be in who were about to get theirs asses kicked
by a newly formed idiotic duo. He slowly started making his way towards her,
pretending not to care, or wet himself, due to the fact that she was a chick.
what Alaska Girl was doing this whole time over at: http://misplacedalaskan.com/1598/the-misadventures-of-shit-streak-and-alaska-girl-and-so-it-begins