Thursday, September 5, 2013

“The Misadventures of Shit Streak and Alaska Girl: The Origin Story”

This is the story of a mild-mannered blogger, who while sitting at his desk eating donuts and tapping away on his keyboard and staring out the window, decided he had enough and was going to do something about it.

The streets were getting more dangerous and the people were getting naughty, there was no doubt they would be on Santa’s list and only be opening coal on Christmas morning. Knowing something needed to be done he had no choice but to take matters into his own hands.

He was an awkward man in his late thirties; who could not tie his shoe without getting winded, but he couldn’t let that stop him from doing what needed to be done. He could not just sit idly by anymore and watch the world he knew and loved turn into poop, something had to change.

If things were to get better he would have to become justice, he would have to become a hope and he would have to be what criminals feared, he would have to become the big scary guy in the prison shower looking to stick his man meat in-between some buns.

He also understood that if he was going to become this hero of the people that he would have to protect his identity, not just for his sake, but also for his family and friend’s. He read enough comic books to know that doing this would protect his loved ones from all those baddies out there who would be looking to exact revenge on him.

Now being broke he had to improvise, so he slid his tighty whities down off of his kiester and onto the floor, then over his head to conceal his identity. He used the openings for the legs as eyeholes, and he poked his nose through the slit in the front.

Unfortunately though, he had not wiped too well since the last time he used the bathroom, so his undies were covered with shit streaks and emitted a foul stench….so that was how he came to be known as Shit Streak! 

To complete his costume, because we all know he couldn’t just run around with underwear on his head and his goods all exposed and flapping around like a fish out of water, he stopped by his local thrift store to purchase the rest of his crime fighting ensemble.  

Thankfully they were having a sale, so he was able to pick up a bed sheet to use as a cape, a pair of used 80s gym shorts to protect his manhood, an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt and some cowboy boots all for a good price…and now that he was all dressed, it was time to kick some donkey.

Sure I looked like Richard Simmons on crack, and smelt like a porta-potty on a hot summer day at a construction site, but it was all for the good of mankind…so it was worth it. I also took a black marker and drew an “S” on my shirt, but in this case it didn’t stand for super. Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.

They may not be able see him lurking in the shadows, but they sure as hell will always smell him coming, they will know what fear (and poop) smells like. The next time you’re up to no good, and it starts smelling like someone just farted, you better kiss your ass goodbye because Shit Streak is about to get jiggy with it.

Thankfully Shit Streak never really has to fight anyone, because we all know he would get his clock cleaned, all the so-called “bad boys” ran from him because they don’t want to be touched by someone who runs around with shitty draws on his head.

He knew that people need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and he couldn’t do that as MJM. As a man, he is flesh and blood, he can be ignored, he can be destroyed; but as a symbol... as a symbol he can be incorruptible, he can be everlasting…at least that’s what Batman said in Batman Begins.

Due to all the good deeds Shit Streak has done, he was invited to a convention…okay, not really invited, but he was going to crash that bitch like nobody’s business because he was Shit Streak!

He walked into the room, strutting his stuff like he was the man, passing by all the adult babies who were dressed up as their favorite comic book characters. The crowd of nerds parted just like as if he was Moses and they were the Red Sea, but not because they respected him, but because he smelled like stale shit.

The whole time keeping an active eye on the crowd, and the booth babes, making sure there was no troublemakers and/or hot chick cosplay cleavage. Then out of nowhere he spotted her, no not his true love, but the woman who was known as Alaskan Girl.

He knew right away that it was a match made in hell, and by hell, I mean the hell that all those slimy criminals will be in who were about to get theirs asses kicked by a newly formed idiotic duo. He slowly started making his way towards her, pretending not to care, or wet himself, due to the fact that she was a chick.

To be continued…

Find out what Alaska Girl was doing this whole time over at: http://misplacedalaskan.com/1598/the-misadventures-of-shit-streak-and-alaska-girl-and-so-it-begins

MJM 
 

16 comments:

  1. So. Much. Fun! When's the next installment?

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    1. We're hoping to make it a monthly thing...wish us luck.

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    2. Good luck - I'm really looking forward to how this might turn out :D What a good idea.

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  2. I can't believe you actually put your underwear on your face. Your poor girlfriend!

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  3. This is an awesome idea! You'll be like the dynamic duo, cept better of course...

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    1. Thanks. Oh we are better...better in so many more ways.

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  4. I. Am. Dying. My gawd but you are too funny. Does this mean that when we go streaking together, you're going to wear poop stained underwear on your head? Should I wrap a nasty thong over my head as well?

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    1. Yes, that's exactly what it means, and yes, I expect you to also wear a nasty thong over your head.

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  5. I hope you copyrighted that picture... I foresee it as the next viral thing.... Not that I am psychic or anything... but people like weird!

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    1. That would be so cool...let's all do the stanky face!

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  6. I am laughing so hard! This was awesome.

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    1. Thanks girl...it's all about the laughter.

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  7. I can't....I mean I....I go to the Comic-Con in Dallas every year and I...I think I may have to be your nemesis...Detergentwoman? Laundry Girl? Queen of Tide?

    I don't know, but I will wash your face Shit Streak. Mark. My. Words.

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    1. That was freaking hilarious.

      No one washes Shit Streak's face...that shit, that smell, is how evil knows I'm coming.

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