Thursday, December 5, 2013

“Give Me Video Games, or Give Me Death”

Playing video games is serious business; it’s not all just fun and games as some would lead you to believe.

Us gamers, hardcore and regularcore alike, take it very seriously and do not consider it just a hobby and/or a time filler like watching television/movies or reading books would be.

This is our life, we eat, sleep and get our rocks off to video games, we don’t just arbitrarily play them like some people **cough** mobile gamers **cough**.

Speaking of which, cellphones are not for playing video games; they are for texting, making phone calls and storing your porn so you always have it readily available to you while you are on the go in case the need arises to rub one out.

Also, all this novelty crap like motion controlled gaming and 3D is just fluff, nothing more and nothing less, and us “real” gamers can’t be bothered with it.

A true gamer sits on the couch with a controller in hand; their favorite beverage/food nearby and completely shuts out the outside world and transforms themselves into the game like as if it was the Matrix.

We also don’t take too kindly to people, mainly significant others and/or parents, referring to them as kids toys, because they are not in any sense of the word, that’s like saying comic books and action figures are for kids.

There is nothing childish about them, they are just as manly as playing sports and/or scoring with a chick that doesn’t need to be blown up, and by blown up I don't mean with explosives, I'm talking about with air, or helium if you’re a bottom.

Sure we can’t change a car tire and/or spit without getting it all over ourselves, but we sure as heck can save the princess in the final dungeon without having to use a strategy guide and/or a life potion.

And yes, the sound of a balloon popping does make us wet ourselves, but when we’re mic'd up and playing some Call of Duty we are all Rambo baby, we can take out an enemy army like as if we were King Leonidas and they were the Persians.

We would get tattoos just to show you people how hard we really were, but the sight of needles makes us faint, and not only that how hard would we look rocking a Yoshi tattoo.

Just know, unlike the video games with partake in, we are nothing to play with son, so before you go running off at the mouth about us and/or our lifestyle make sure you’re packing something more than an NES Zapper homie, you best come correct.

When we snap into a Slim Jim and get our nerd rage on you bitches better make way, because we will knock your ass out like as if you were Little Mac and we were Mike Tyson, we’ll be all over you like as if we were the zombies in Resident Evil and you were  Chris Redfield, get the picture.

So if you’re smart, you’ll keep your butt in the real world and leave cyberspace to us pros.



  1. I do not really play games do know people that do and take it serious with there competition.

  2. I dated a gamer once... it's hard to get their attention... lol

  3. 'in case the need arises to rub one out'?? You're a smooth, sweet-talking modern man, Michael!