Sunday, April 6, 2014

“Less QQ, More Pew Pew”

Campers, snipers, run-and-gunners, these are not new marshmallows in Lucky Charms, but rather playing styles in online multiplayer games such as Call of Duty, Halo and Battlefield.

These games aren’t easy by any means, especially for those of us who don’t have the opportunity, or desire, to devote every waking moment of our lives playing them and mastering them.

There are also a lot of kids, oh God I hope they’re kids, who make this online world sound like a disgruntled trucker’s convention, who all have been sucking on helium balloons and have an unhealthy obsession with everyone’s mother.

However, all things considered these games are actually a lot of fun, of course not the best video game you’ll ever play, but nevertheless still an enjoyable experience and one that you should partake in at least once before you leave this miserable mud ball we call a planet if you call yourself a gamer.

For the record, the actual gameplay is not why I recommend playing games like these, but more so because the people playing them are frigging hilarious to listen to.

The things people say when playing online multiplayer games, especially when losing, is pure ear gold, it’s as if someone left the door open to the insane asylum and equipped all the inmates with microphones.

They freak the freak out like nobody’s business; they get all worked up like Al Sharpton does when he sees an opportunity to get into the spotlight, it’s freaking fantastic to say the least.

The audible equivalent of Jerry Springer, mixed with a little bit of those playground antics from back in the day, you hear such pearls of wisdom as, “your face” and “I hope you die in a fiery car crash”, nerd rage at its finest.

Cyberspace is full of a bunch of racist bastards who all seem to suffer from Tourette's, whose soul purpose is to completely annoy the living, it’s like night of the living teabaggers out there.

So come for the game and stay for the show, trust me all the deranged fun you’ll have will make it very much worth getting your ass pwned and being called a noob so much that you actually start thinking it’s your name.