Sunday, April 6, 2014

“Less QQ, More Pew Pew”

Campers, snipers, run-and-gunners, these are not new marshmallows in Lucky Charms, but rather playing styles in online multiplayer games such as Call of Duty, Halo and Battlefield.

These games aren’t easy by any means, especially for those of us who don’t have the opportunity, or desire, to devote every waking moment of our lives playing them and mastering them.

There are also a lot of kids, oh God I hope they’re kids, who make this online world sound like a disgruntled trucker’s convention, who all have been sucking on helium balloons and have an unhealthy obsession with everyone’s mother.

However, all things considered these games are actually a lot of fun, of course not the best video game you’ll ever play, but nevertheless still an enjoyable experience and one that you should partake in at least once before you leave this miserable mud ball we call a planet if you call yourself a gamer.

For the record, the actual gameplay is not why I recommend playing games like these, but more so because the people playing them are frigging hilarious to listen to.

The things people say when playing online multiplayer games, especially when losing, is pure ear gold, it’s as if someone left the door open to the insane asylum and equipped all the inmates with microphones.

They freak the freak out like nobody’s business; they get all worked up like Al Sharpton does when he sees an opportunity to get into the spotlight, it’s freaking fantastic to say the least.

The audible equivalent of Jerry Springer, mixed with a little bit of those playground antics from back in the day, you hear such pearls of wisdom as, “your face” and “I hope you die in a fiery car crash”, nerd rage at its finest.

Cyberspace is full of a bunch of racist bastards who all seem to suffer from Tourette's, whose soul purpose is to completely annoy the living, it’s like night of the living teabaggers out there.

So come for the game and stay for the show, trust me all the deranged fun you’ll have will make it very much worth getting your ass pwned and being called a noob so much that you actually start thinking it’s your name.

MJM

14 comments:

  1. As I've mentioned before, I'm not as gamer - my interest waned with the passing of the original Space Invaders in the late 1980s. But perhaps I should put it on my bucket list as something I need to get involved in before I depart this mortal coil?

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    1. There's nothing wrong with being an old school gamer my friend, those games (i.e. Space Invaders) are frigging awesome and a lot of fun.

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  2. So not a gamer . . . but I have watched/listened to some that are and it is quite entertaining. I do get bored rather easily though.

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    2. Honestly listening to these freaks while playing online is one of the biggest draws, it just makes the overall experience so much more enjoyable, at least for me it does. I don't know, maybe it's just a gamer thing, but I for one get a kick out of it.

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  3. MJM, I attempted to play Halo online some years ago. I found myself snuffed-out like a candle in a tsunami not once but three times in a row. I then learned that I was kicked out of the game by the other players, likely for not knowing what I was doing since it was my first time. I haven't tried again and am quite comfortable with that.

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    1. Halo is rough my friend, and I can completely understand where you're coming from, but trust me it's worth it in the long run.

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  4. Hahaha I hear the Hubs' stories from Star Wars Old Republic, including all the "I'm telling mom" between what I'm hoping is young brothers.

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    1. Really, "I'm telling mom", what the poop is up with that shiz. There's no, "I'm telling mom" when it comes to gaming online...what noobs.

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  5. I loved running around Call of Duty (Modern warfare 1/2 and Black Ops) but eventually lost interest because of the cheating/hacks going on and the fact that every few months a new $60 game came out and the old one would be deserted. The fun part was running around in free-for-all in a chaotic mess and hearing the above mentioned teens yelling, but the bad outweighed the good.

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    1. I know exactly what you mean my friend, those cheating/hacking bastards can/do ruin the game. Once I see the matches overrun with that nonsense I move onto something else, which is not really all that difficult because there's a lot to choose from. The new version every year is crazy and very costly, that is why I just tell people to get me the latest version for Christmas, saves me money and frustration.

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  6. My husband used to play City of Heroes and WOW among other things. The chatter between the players was often more entertaining than the games themselves. As for me, I'll just stick to my Tetris and online Scrabble which I play all by myself... ;-)

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    1. Listening to what some of these people (and I use that word loosely) say during these online matches is frigging hilarious. It just amazes me how stupid they are and how unintelligent they sound.

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