Friday, May 23, 2014

“Evil Genius”

If I was an evil genius, hell-bent on taking over the world, what would I do?

I would find myself a bunch of trained monkeys to my bidding, and I would call them Republicrats, just to piss off both sides and to show them how ridiculous they all look.

I would make it illegal for heterosexual couples to marry, only because I don’t want them ruining the sanctity of marriage in my new world, homosexuals okay but anyone else no way.

I would allow all pets to keep their junk intact, while instead spaying and neutering all people dumb enough to align themselves with one political party or another, because who the hell wants stupid people voting on who the next person to run our country will be…does the name Obama ring a bell.

I would have the penalty for all crimes committed to be death, regardless of what it is; if you do something wrong on my watch you’re ending up in the electric chair or covered in sugar glaze and dropped in a pit full of hungry fat people.

I would make it legal to smack the shit out of idiots, one smack for every idiotic word and/or action they said/made, I know this may sound cruel and unusual, but trust me it will really make people think before they speak and/or act.

I would have a police force dedicated to the fashion betterment of the world’s people as a whole, they would make sure that people aren't wearing sunglasses indoors, bomb belts under their robes and/or sagging their pants in public.

I would make it where every bedroom in every house had to be occupied, there would be no such thing as a “guest bedroom”, so if you happen to have an extra bedroom you either move in a family member you can tolerate or adopt a homeless person.

I would make the woman’s body her business, and any man and/or organization that attempted to dictate to her how she should live and/or treat it will get their balls clipped and made into earrings for said woman/women.

I would make all drugs legal, but only in certain places like Florida, Utah and Washington D.C., because that way if you wanted to do them you would have to move to one of those specified areas (and stay in one of those areas)…and honestly if you’ve ever been to one of these areas you would know that this wouldn’t make much of a difference.

I would make get rid of all thongs, men and women’s both, because there is no way that crap is comfortable and/or healthy for you cheeks, and there is no way to convince me otherwise.

I would implement a mandatory pay cut to all celebrities, professional athletes and anyone else making an exuberant amount of money for basically doing nothing, and give the extra money to the people who truly deserve it like our teachers, police/fire and of course the military, and if those people have a problem with the pay cut they could always go work fastfood and/or bag groceries.

I would introduce anyone to the backside of my hand who waited for a specific day (i.e. Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, etc.) to show others just how much they mean to us and our country.

Well there you have it, things I would do to win over the masses and allow me to rule with an iron fist…it feels so good to be so bad.

MJM

18 comments:

  1. This is impressive and bold...like you. Your sentiments are right on here!

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  2. You've been over doing it on the Nyquil again, haven't ya? :D

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    1. There's no such thing as over doing the NyQuil...just saying.

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  3. Bwahahah I feel bad for Florida now - is it really that bad?

    We had to vote here yesterday, and I was very tempted by the Roman Party, whose manifesto (allegedly) consists simply "AVE!"

    But it seemed like a waste, so I didn't :) Your party sounds good though.

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    1. Yes, Florida is really that bad, trust me on this one.

      Don't do it girl, fight the power! Rage against the machine.

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  4. Yes, Florida is that bad.

    You left off make the sport of Politician Hunting legal in all 50 states. The herd has gotten too big and needs to be culled for their long term health.

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    1. That is a frigging awesome idea, I really wish I would have thought of that...I'm so jelly.

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  5. Well, I'm behind SOME of your plan to Fist the World, but I can never get behind "a family member you can tolerate" WHO the hell has that???

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    1. True, a family member we can tolerate is just as rare as a government for the people, so I guess we're all adopting homeless people.

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  6. My parents live in Florida. Whenever I visit there I feel my IQ drops a bit. These people down there who run things need a good fisting. Deeper.

    Rule with an Iron Fist!

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    1. I would have to agree, the people here in Florida seem to be moving backwards, at the speed of light.

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  7. Insert evil genius laugh here . . . bwahahahahaha . . . .

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  8. You got my vote! I'm in Florida as well so I can vote for you locally and nationally!! Need a running mate?

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    1. Thanks girl, I truly appreciate your support...and vote.

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  9. My favourite are the celebrity pay cut, banning of thongs and men telling women what to do with their bodies. :)

    www.lululovesfilms.wordpress.com

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    1. Vote MJM, and all this can be a reality.

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