Tuesday, September 8, 2015

“I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night and Party (with Karina Kantas) Every Day”

Hello out there all you donkey kicking mo’ fuggers out there in cyberspace! First off, thank you so very much for stopping by “The Nerdy Side of Life” blog, you all freaking rock and I greatly appreciate it. Secondly, please welcome my very special guest Karina Kantas to our ranks, and make sure to show her some much deserved love. Here’s more about her, check it out and feel free to ask questions.

Take it away Karina Kantas (or Miss Kantas if you’re nasty)…

With my love for rock music and S.E.Hinton's YA novels, it's no surprise my first novel was in the rebel teen fiction genre. My following novels are MC thrillers. But those that have read my short story collections Heads & Tales and UNDRESSED know I'm not just a "one genre" author.

Born in the midlands UK, I grew up in a poor, rough area of town and used my writing to escape an unsettling reality. Delving deep into my characters' minds and hearts, I give my readers thought provoking and sometimes dark and violent story-lines.

I have over thirty publications including book reviews, film reviews, poetry and articles.

Nominated top ten of female authors of biker fiction, my horror story Crossed, also won the first prize in an International Short Story contest. 

With an International fan base, you can find me on popular network sites such as Twitter and Facebook where I'm only too happy to interact with my readers.

No matter what genre of fiction I write, you'll always hear loud rock music playing while I work, as it allows me to fade away and become one with my characters.

Don't except happy endings in my novels as I write about real life.

What you will get is exciting story-lines that will have you glued to the pages and desperate for more.

I live on the beautiful Island of Corfu with my Greek husband and two daughters.

Karina Kantas

Here’s what has been said about her works…

In Times of Violence

“It’s about love, respect and the feeling of belonging.”
Jade’s infatuation with Marcus, head of the Tyrants, leads to a dangerous situation.

‘I was able to see part of myself with the decisions they made.’

‘Excellent storyline, riveting read.’

‘It’s amazing. I love the rawness of it.’


Sofi thinks she can walk into an outlaw MC and kill the president. But once she enters the wolves’ den there is no escape.
Love and revenge entwine in this raw emotional thriller.

‘Absolutely loved this book.’

‘A gritty story of revenge.’

‘Sad when it finished. It left me wanting more.’

Lawless Justice

Time for the boys to ride bitch.
These Kittnz have claws!
Six empowering women that own the night.

‘A story like you’ve never read before.’

‘This book goes to work kicking ass.’

‘Violent, sexy, moving.’

Road Rage

Gem learns too late that the sponsored racing club, RAGE are no different to the outlaw MC she escaped from.

‘A thrilling nerve tingling ride.”

‘This book doesn’t slow down. Detailed and colorfully twisted.

“Vivid and captivating. The sex and violence just adds depth.’

Cover designed by Stephen Blundell

Well…pretty frigging awesome, right? Great things are yet to come from her; I have no doubt about that. Keep your eyes peeled for what’s to come, and don’t forget to support her and her work if you enjoyed what she had to say here. I know I will, because I am a fan for sure.


Friday, July 10, 2015

“…And Now for the Entertainment News”

Since Hollywood doesn’t seem to have an original thought left in its head, they decided to start a new genre and to see where it goes from there.

Please welcome horror porn into the mix!

Honestly most horror movies are only a few naked women away from being a porno anyways, so this actually makes perfect sense if you think about it.

First movie in this new genre to star Ron Jeremy as the killer, because we all know if looks could kill this dude would be a lethal weapon, a real killing machine.

He will play Fatty Krueger in the upcoming film “A Nightmare on Skeet Street”.

While Freddy has a glove with four knives, Fatty will be sporting only one, and it will be hanging off the end of his junk.

Gives new meaning to the whole “Naked and Afraid” thing, doesn’t it?

When it comes to the film’s score.

Just imagine the Friday the 13th theme with a woman in the background moaning in ecstasy, talk about music to your ears.

Fox Studios to bring the hit sitcom “What's Happening” to theaters next summer, with Kanye West (Mr. Kim Kardashian if you’re nasty) to star as the wisecracking Dee Thomas.

Kanye is also up for the role of the extremely irritating alien Jar Jar Binks in the next installment of the Star Wars movies.

This decision did not come about because he is a great actor, but more so because he is just as annoying and makes about as much sense when he opens his mouth as Mr. Binks does.

Needless to say fans were not pleased with this casting choice, especially after he took it upon himself to jump up on stage when Chewbacca was accepting the award for “best space furry”, beating out the Ewoks and Tribbles, just to express his disgust with the (space) academy over their choice.

Apparently he thought the dogs from “Space Buddies” should have won because, and I quote, “Those doggies are just so gosh darn adorable and when they lick my face it reminds me of Kim”.

Now onto the “boob tube”, and in this particular case I mean that literally.

CNN decided instead of just allowing boobs to fill up their channel with inane ramblings about topics they know absolutely nothing about, they would show actual boobs, like the ones women have.

Some of the new shows to premier soon are “Boob Watch”, which is just Bay Watch without all the Hasselhoff crap, and the game show “The Price is Right…for Boobs” with Bob Barker as the host.

They are also considering changing the name of the channel from the Cable News Network (CNN) to Boobs “R” Awesome (BRA), which they think would be more fitting for their new format.

A hidden camera show will soon be upon us, called “Blue and Red”, and only to air during an election.

Once you cast your vote, the host will jump out and yell, “You’ve been veto’ed” and smack you upside your head.

All the viewers would get a good laugh at you, Democrat or Republican, left or right, whatever side it is that you so blindly choose to align yourself with, for believing anything the candidates say/promise and/or for buying into their hype machine (Change, yeah right).

A new reality show to soon hit the airwaves called, "Fat People in Florida".
The premise is simple, a bunch of fat people outside in the Florida heat, see who can last the longest without going inside to the AC.

The winner to receive an all-expense paid trip to the fabulous Golden Coral negative four star restaurant in beautiful Tampa, Florida.

Thankfully considering the average belly size here in good old Florida, there is no shortage of contestants.

Continuing on with what’s to come in the world of reality television.
"So You Think You Can Make Whoopee" to debut this Fall on NBC, with judges Jenna Jameson, Monica Lewinsky and Bill Cosby, who comes packing a Pez dispenser filled with prescription Quaaludes.

Talk about must see TV.

Survivor is back, this time in America, so get ready to not only watch, but also participate in the all new Survivor America!

Forget an Island, we're going for ratings here, your ass is voted off the continent!

We are all contestants, and instead of a cash prizes, the winners get a piece of mind knowing that they are bettering the country, and raising the overall national IQ.

Each week we vote to castoff one person, like for example that donut licking, American hating Ariana Grande…just saying.

Thankfully our country is full of idiots and morons, someone is always doing something crazy (i.e. Jason Pierre-Paul, Al Sharpton, Donald Trump, just to name a few), so this show will be on the airwaves for a very long time to come.

Finally on the reality television front, we have a new romantic series in the works that will debut soon on ABC.

The show is called, “Who Wants to Marry a Divorced Millionaire Bachelor Model Who's Cheating on the Mother of His Six Kids with a Wannabe Celebrity Who Will Do Anything to be in the Spotlight. **cough** Tila Tequila **cough**

During a recent promotional event for the show, an executive at ABC was asked what he thought about it, he stated that he was very pleased, thought it reflected strong family values and high standards, just none of that sinful gay stuff because of course they are trying to keep things sanctified.

Now for a little bit of music news.

Axel Rose not happy with the performance of Guns N’ Roses last album (Chinese Democracy for those of you who stopped following them in the 90s), decided it was time for drastic measures, that is if he ever hoped to be rocking arenas again and not performing at Bar Mitzvahs anymore.

He decided it was time for another all covers album, this time to feature theme songs from popular television shows.

Selections that have already been confirmed are, The Golden Girls theme, The Facts of Life theme and the ever rocking Brady Bunch theme.

Nirvana is reuniting and planning a worldwide tour!

I know what you’re thinking, how could this be, especially since the last time we saw Kurt Cobain he was sucking on the barrel of a shotgun.

Well the other two surviving members are planning on exhuming his body and doing it Weekend at Bernie's style.

They are calling the tour, The Smells like Teen Unwashed Ass Tour.

Get your tickets now because they are going fast, how fast you ask, they will come and go quicker than Courtney Love’s career.

Well that’s all for me, and now, here's Ollie Williams with the Blackuweather Forecast. Ollie?


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

“Genetically Mutated, Undead Super-Humans on a Plane? When Sharks Fly!”

Welcome to the world of “Sky Sharks”…what is that you ask, well read on and all your questions will be answered, and then some.

We all know that Jaws made you afraid to go into the water; well these high-flying beasts who come equip with rows of razor-sharp teeth, a full arsenal of death-dealing weapons and genetically mutated, undead super-human pilots will make you afraid to go into the sky…and just about anywhere else for that matter.

Sky Sharks is like Jaws on meth, makes it look like a swim in the kiddie pool.

Check out the interview below, and when all is said and done, do yourself a huge favor and check out the trailer for this soon-to-be “greatest cult movie off all-time”, trust me you won’t be disappointed!

Also check out the team’s Kickstarter page, and if you happen to be so fortunate enough to donate then please do, but if you’re not in a position to, then please help them spread the word so that they can get this project completed.

All questions are answered by the fantastic Mr. Marc Fehse, the projects director, and the best thing to come along to the film world since the movie camera itself.

(Please remember there is a little bit of a language barrier, English is not his native tongue, so keep that in mind when you’re reading)

Lights, Camera, Action…

1. How did an insanely awesome project such as this come about?

Marc Fehse: You need to dream, and when you wake…remember. ;) 

Then you need someone who shares your passion for movies like this!

2. Flying sharks, Nazi zombies and buckets full of blood, the only thing missing here is nudity…please tell me there will be nudity, preferably of the female kind?

Marc Fehse: Is the Pope Catholic? 

Sure, and a lot of it. 

We some good sex scenes, beach scenes, shower scenes etc…you know what I mean, knick – knack! ;)

3. Could you please make this into a video game, or at least a ride at Universal Studios?

Marc Fehse: I would love to make a videogame out of it. I got an idea to start with an App game for all mobile devices.

4. What other films have you been associated with, because honestly after seeing this gem (trailer only obviously since it’s not yet been released, but I can’t wait for the final product and I have no doubt I won’t be disappointed) I personally would love to check out your other work?

Marc Fehse: With all I like, you need to know that I have been a great film fan since I was 8 years old, starting with Super 8 doing stop motion movies.

Now, back to your question, we will put in a lot blood, action, nudity, shark rides, air fights, Vietnam War scenes, WW2 war scenes and much more….and I really hope you like the end result!

5. Please tell us that you have more great ideas like this in the pipeline and/or scheduled for the future, pretty please with cheddar cheese?

Marc Fehse: For Sure. We started making feature movies back in 1996 with an indi zombie Nazi flick called “Mutation”.

We did a road buddy movie called “Sex,Dogz and Rock n Roll” and we worked on "Spores".

The people want Sky Sharks now, so we will work later on Spores to finish it.

I got so many ideas and concepts, so please don’t worry, there will be more coming out soon. ;)

6. We all know that Hollywood is full of a bunch of elitist bitches and bastards, who wouldn’t know a good movie if it feel out of the sky and hit them on the head.

Now with that said, it goes without saying that this masterpiece will surely go unrecognized by the so-called critics and mainstream award shows which the masses live and die by.

I was just wondering if you would accept my little league baseball trophy for all your hard work and originality?

I know it’s not much but it’s all I have, and I really want to show you my appreciation for you trying something new and different in a world full of unambitious and lackluster movie makers. 

Marc Fehse: It will be an honor for me! 

7. With Hollywood full of remakes, reboots and 80s nostalgia out the ass, it’s a breath of fresh air to see something like Sky Sharks come around, that should make you feel proud, so does it?

Marc Fehse: On one side yes, but on the other side I understand that the studios will be save with their investments, but I do agree so many boring reboots and sequels coming out and we think, “hey man there so many good scripts out there, give them a try”!

8. Will there be a 3D version of the film released…please say yes?

Marc Fehse: We thought of shooting in Stereoscopic, but it is very tough to do work with, but we think a good conversation of it will be cool!

9. I know it hasn’t even been released yet, but if Sky Sharks does well will there be a sequel? **Fingers crossed**

Marc Fehse: Yes, I have a lot of cool Ideas for it. ;)

10. What an amazing cast of characters you have in this movie, such wonderful actors and actresses, what was it like working with this incredible talent?

Marc Fehse: It was a pleasure to work with people who know their jobs.

When you need to work with a short time period, you need actors that know what to do.

Robert told me, that he felt blessed that someone like me gave him the role of a priest and not of a gangster, so I got the chance to show the audience the different skills he has, that he never got the chance to show before.

For me this was a gift to work with!

11. How would you describe this movie?

Marc Fehse: The mother of all trash movies! ;)

12. When and where can we expect to see this beauty when it’s released?

Marc Fehse: I think around the world, we will release Sky Sharks mid-2017.

Roll the end credits…

Well there you have it, the 411 on Sky Sharks and the director who is leading the triumphant charge.

I’m like a kid waiting for Christmas morning so that I can get that special present that I know I’m getting because I peeked in the back of the closet, and it can’t come soon enough.

(Don’t forget to show the Sky Shark team so love)


Thursday, April 2, 2015

“The Transformers: The Movie”

First off, a very warm bah-weep-graaaaagnah wheep ni ni bong to all of you, and I hope my words find you well and in good spirits, not all grumpy like those stupid Quintessons.

This is a public service announcement…brought to you by the Matrix of Leadership, don’t leave home without it.

For everyone who considers themselves a fan of the Transformers really needs to watch the movie, and I’m not talking about that Michael Bay rock 'em sock 'em robots crap either, but rather the 1986 animated classic.

This movie may not have Megan Fox, but it does have Arcee, and if you ask me she’s quite the looker. Va-va-vroooom!

Forget Cinderella, someone really needs to open the vault and let this gem out, it’s like a fine wine, it needs to breathe.

Or even if you’re not a fan, say you grew up with the garbage they try to pass off as Transformers today, you owe it to yourself to check this out, because remember there’s more than meets the eye here.

I saw it in the theater when it was first released, and I was super excited about it and loved every minute of it.

I felt like a kid who just discovered masturbation, but thankfully it was only a feeling and not the real thing, because I would have been really embarrassed if I got stuck to my seat when it was time to leave.

This movie was frigging awesome, totally radical, it got me all pumped up as if I was Rocky training for the big fight, and also made me cry like a baby like some people (not me of course) who saw the Notebook did, it had a little bit of everything.

Sure it changed the landscape of the series, not so much for the better like with the introduction of Rodimus Prime, who I might add was a lot like Rick from the Walking Dead, always whining, bitching and second guessing himself.

Now Optimus Prime on the other hand, he was like Carol (also from The Walking Dead), because he would have no problem whatsoever telling Megatron to look at the flowers, and also taking care of his own people/team.

Speaking of Mr. Prime (if you’re nasty), he and another fan favorite, the ever scheming and power hungry Decepticon Starscream, made their triumphant returns shortly after the movie.

The producers knew that the product they were now left with was nowhere near as good as the original, and something had to be done about it.

Even with all the changes the movie brought forth to the series, it still kicked some serious donkey and I wouldn’t change a thing, not for all the Energon in the world.

The movie did give us some really cool new characters too, like Hot Rod (pre-Rodimus), Blur and of course the mack daddy of them all, the giant planet-eating badass known as Unicron, just to name a few.

We also got Galvatron, who was cool at first, but then flipped his lid and went all cray cray like a mo’ fugger and totally ruined the Decepticons street cred that Megatron worked so hard to establish.

Then there’s this Wheelie fella, who let’s just say is this movie’s Jar Jar Binks, he’s okay is small doses but too much of him will leave you wanting to smack your head against the wall.

However, with all things consider he was still a better leader than any of our last few Presidents.

The soundtrack kicked some serious butt too, so much so that even Beavis and Butt-head would rock out to it, totally getting their monkey boy on.

The songs were your typical 80s songs, from bands/artists you’ve never heard of before then and haven’t heard from since, but nevertheless it rocked it like a hurricane and made you bang your head as if you were a bobblehead caught in a tornado.

Now do yourself a favor and go watch the movie, don’t be a dimwitted Dinobot and not heed these words, because the loss will be all yours.

Even Vault Boy (Fallout) would give it a thumbs up!

Time for me to roll out, so I’ll talk to you fine people later.


Friday, March 27, 2015

“WWE WrestleMania 31 Breakdown”

Considering that I’m a wrestling fan, been so since the 80s (What’cha Gonna Do Brother), and considering that WrestleMania is this weekend, their biggest pay-per-view of the season, I decided I should write about it and share my thoughts.

We all know it’s fake and scripted, kind of like politics, but it is still a lot of fun, at least to me it is.

Here’s my rundown of all the matches and my thoughts as to who will win each match and why.

Kickoff Pre-show: Fatal 4 Way for the WWE Tag Team Titles: The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. Big E and Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd:

The only tag team in this match I care for are The Usos, I think they are incredible performers with a lot of talent.

I don’t see them winning the match though, it just doesn’t seem like it would be “best for business” as The Authority would say.

With the Usos out of the mix, I don’t really care who wins this one, because I’m just not a fan of any of the three teams left.

However, if I had to pick I would say let Cesaro and Tyson Kidd keep the titles, Los Matadores and Big E/Kofi Kingston wouldn’t be all that exciting, not hating just saying.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Konnor, Viktor, Kane, Big Show, Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, Jack Swagger, The Miz, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Erick Rowan, Sin Cara, Damien Sandow, Goldust, Mark Henry, Heath Slater, plus others TBA:

This match I see as a launching point for a Kane/Big Show feud in one corner, and in the other, a Miz/Damien Sandow feud.

Something they can play with on Monday night, and in the upcoming weeks, setting up for some big matches for their next pay-per-view.

The winner, I’m seeing Sheamus returning and winning the whole thing, why because stoned Mele says so!

WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns:

I think Lesnar will win this one, mainly because he’s the bigger name of the two, but I really hope I’m wrong because we really do need a new champion.

We need someone who will show up more often than Lesnar, he shows up less than a toothbrush in a trailer park does.

I must admit, I do have a bad feeling that Reigns will win and then Rollins will cash in his Money in the Bank contract and take it from him, an unnecessary twist that would be as lame and as predictable as Batista winning the 2014 Royal Rumble.

However, considering that the WWE Universe wasn’t all that pleased about Mr. Reigns having this opportunity in the first place, I can really see that happening…can you smell what I’m cooking.

WWE United States Title Match: Rusev vs. John Cena:

This one is playing out kind of like the Hulk Hogan/The Iron Sheik matches did back in the 80s, and unfortunately I think the end result will be very similar too, with Cena (the super patriot) coming away with the WWE United States Title.

Nothing all that thrilling here, a match made just to have Cena on the card to make all his “Cena Sucks/Let’s Go Cena” fanboys/girls happy and willing to shell out $9.99 for the WWE Network, not hating just saying.

…and please bring back Lana for this match, we um er miss her or something.

WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett:

I’m thinking this is the WWE’s way of making up to their fans for the fact that Daniel Bryan didn’t win the Royal Rumble and go on to face Lesnar in the main event, but I do hope I’m wrong here.

I personally love Dean Ambrose, I think he is one of the most entertaining wrestlers to come along in quite some time, and with that said, I truly hope he wins and comes away with the title.

This is probably the match I’m most looking forward to, it just screams excitement and I’m positive it will be action-packed.  

Sting vs. Triple H:

I’ve been a fan of Sting since he first hit the scene back in the day, there was just something about him that drew me in.

During the Monday Night Wars I actually preferred WCW to WWE thanks to the whole NWO/Sting storyline, as I’m sure many of us wrestling fans did.

I hated the fact that when WWE won the war, he didn’t move over to WWE after the demise of the WCW, I could only imagine the great matches that we could have seen if he did.

I was such a fan of his that I actually, and very shamefully admit to, watched him on TNA, if that doesn’t prove my loyalty I don’t know what does.

I must say though I do like the angle they are working here, and I really hope that Triple H doesn’t win just because he is the company man, but considering some of the writing as of late I’m thinking that is exactly what we will see.

AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins:

There’s a whole lot of sexy going on here, throw in some nighties and pillows and you’ll have every man’s wet dream.

In all seriousness, I want to see AJ Lee and Paige come away with a win here; I like their “Skip to my lou my crazy” and “The Glampire from across the ocean” gimmicks.

Nothing against The Bella Twins, I just don’t see what the big deal is about them; I think they’re a little overrated.

You can keep your Brie Mode nonsense.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton:

I enjoy Rollins; he makes a great heel, is an incredible wrestler and has awesome mic skills, but unfortunately because of how they choose to use him for Raw/ SmackDown, basically ramming him down our throats as if was Wild Bill and we were Monica Lewinsky, I’m tired of him.

Honestly I wouldn’t mind if he started keep Lesnar’s hours.

Let Orton win, allow him to beat Rollins down and make him his bitch as he promised, and then down the road he could make a huge comeback and win the WWE World Heavyweight championship.

We all know that this won’t happen though, especially considering that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank, but a fan can dream can’t he.

If anyone from the writing staff of the WWE is reading this, please hear my plea and get rid of J and J security, they seriously suck.

Do we want to see them gone? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker:

This is a match I’m really not looking forward to, and not because I don’t like the talent involved, because that couldn’t be further from the truth, but rather because I think it’s a match they threw together just to get Wyatt over.

With The Undertaker’s streak being broken at last year’s WrestleMania, there is really nothing left for him to fight for, so why not let Wyatt (the young blood) win and make a name for himself?

I’m not against a younger superstar getting a push, especially when they’ve earned it (i.e. Wyatt), but not at the expense of a past superstar who is way past his prime and should be kicking back and relaxing in Death Valley sipping on a Mai Tai.

Hopefully it’s not one of those Wyatt gets disqualified for acting a fool and no one really wins or loses, at least as far as the record books are concerned, because I really hate those kinds of matches.

The End

Well that’s all he wrote people, let’s hope for a great show and not a massive disappointment.

And remember kids, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

Oh yeah, don’t try this at home; I’m a trained professional.


Thursday, March 19, 2015

“Real American Heroes”

You may disagree with the war we are fighting and/or not be a big fan of the Commander-in-Chief, but don't let that taint your feelings towards the amazing men and women who give their all to serve and protect this great country of ours. Their actions warrant our love and support all the time and not just during designated holidays and/or when we as people feel the need to be patriotic, they deserve much better than that. They sacrifice so that we don’t have to, they keep a watchful eye so that we can rest peacefully and they diligently stand guard so that we can be at ease, just imagine what our lives would be like if they weren’t there.

“Forgot to Remember”…

It's easy to forget and to take for granted the many blessings that we have when we're not the ones on the front lines fighting the battle, but we must do our best to not let that happen and to always remember what we have and why we have it. We should salute our soldiers of the armed forces (past, present and future) every day, and thank them from the bottom of ours hearts for the freedoms, the rights and the peace of mind they have bestowed upon us, because without them none of that would be possible. Go out of your way to shake the hand of and/or to give a warm embrace to any person who has fought or is fighting for us and our country, show them that we appreciate it and that we are aware of their unselfish deeds.

“Foxtrot Alpha Mike India Lima Yankee”…

We must also not forget the families who are left behind when their significant other, their child/parent and/or their sibling decides to embark on this journey; they remain here with uncertainties as to what the future holds for them and their loved ones. These individuals proudly give so that we can be safeguarded, so that we can have confidence in knowing that everything will be alright and that the evils in this world would be kept at bay all thanks to the due diligence of their child/parent/sibling. They may lose a little piece of themselves in the process, but at the same time they gain a tremendous amount of respect and pride as a result of the actions and passion demonstrated by their soldiers. When you come across a family who has a loved one in the military, make sure to let them know that you recognize their sacrifice and that the absence of their family member weighs heavily upon us all. 

“The Military Machine”…

There are many components that allow this machine we know to function properly, and if we were to lose any part of it the whole thing would come crumbling down around us, so make sure to support and to show love to the fine men and women in uniform who make this world a safer place for us all. There is no amount of gratitude that we can express that is sufficient for all you have done for us and how we feel towards you as a person. With that said, I do want to thank you for your service, commitment and dedication to us and our country, I truly appreciate it and may God bless you all.

“Got Your 6”…

Keep in mind that some of our soldiers need more than a friendly gesture and/or an American flag flying outside your house. They need jobs, medical attention and/or a roof over their heads. They shouldn’t have to come back to our country, especially after everything they’ve done to keep it “our” country, to have to struggle just to survive. There is absolutely no justification for this and it is completely ridiculous and disgraceful to say the least. They fought for our lives, so the least we could do is fight for theirs. 

“A Personal Message to Our Soldiers”…

I have never served, so I wouldn’t even pretend to understand what it’s like to walk a mile in your boots, but I just wanted to share a personal experience that may be helpful to some of you. I have been down and out. I have been so low that I had to look up to see bottom. I felt like at the time, that the only way to find peace was to end it all. I can’t claim that our journeys took the same path, but I can promise you that you’re not alone and that help is out there. The trail may not be the easiest to travel through, but it is totally worth making the effort. You are worth it, and so are your family and friends. 



Please check out the links below, and if possible contribute to their causes, because you may feel that it doesn’t affect you directly, but trust me it does. They have scratched our backs, so now it’s time we scratch theirs.

(These are only a few charities, there are many more who would benefit greatly from your generosity) 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

“Take a Turn for the Worse”

I awoke suddenly and knew right away something was wrong; just as Dorothy could tell that she wasn’t in Kansas anymore, I could tell that I wasn’t in my nice warm bed all snuggly under the covers.

Wherever I was it was cold and hard, comparable to one of those metal slabs in the morgue, but thankfully that was the only similarity I shared with those stiffs.

Everything was all fuzzy and unclear, I had no idea what was going on or why I was where I was, I was completely lost like the kid on the back of the milk carton.

I went to stand up so that I could better assess the situation, find out what was going on and figure things out.

However, standing wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be, it was as if none of my limbs were working accordingly and it took a whole lot more effort than it usually does to get them to perform as they should.

Making it to me feet was only half the battle, because once I got myself upright I had to make sure I could keep myself that way and not end up falling down similar to a drunk who just left the bar after last call.

I could feel myself swaying back and forth; it was as if I was on a boat in the middle of the ocean during a bad storm, it was almost impossible to get my bearings.

I was finally able to compose myself; I was able to stand without toppling over like a Jenga tower whose player had Parkinson's disease.   

I could now see that I was outside, in the middle of a field somewhere, and I couldn’t really tell what time it was but I knew it was late because the sun was nowhere to be found.

I attempted to start walking, thinking I could find someone that could tell me what was going on.

But my legs felt limp and numb, like the circulation had been cut off from them for quite some time, they were as useless to me as cinderblock shoes would be to a late night swimmer…isn’t that right mafia.

I just couldn’t lift them up; I could only slowly drag them along, my feet felt as though they weighed a ton, the ground was metal and they were magnets.

Knowing that at this rate I wouldn’t be getting anywhere fast, I decided to scream out for help, but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get any actually words out of my mouth, only grunts and gargles.

Now being even more confused, I just stood there still and lifeless, equivalent to a scarecrow watching over its field.

And then all of the sudden my pondering was rudely interrupted by a loud growl that was coming from my belly, my tummy was in turmoil and needed to be fed, kind of took me by surprise considering the situation but what can I say, the stomach wants what the stomach wants.

So again I started moving forward, dragging my legs behind me like they were two dead bodies.

I wasn’t sure where I was going, or even what was happening, I just knew I had to eat something soon because my hunger was growing and becoming more savage by the minute.

I couldn’t explain it, I was really hungry but what I was craving wasn’t of the traditional sense, at least for me it wasn’t.   

I wanted flesh, and not the flesh of a chicken, cow or even that of the scrumptious pig, but I wanted human flesh, fresh off the bone, it was as if the spirit of Jeffrey Dahmer consumed me and was now in charge of my appetite.

I didn’t want it served to me either, my primal instincts kicked in and I wanted to hunt it, because you know like they say, the greater the struggle, the sweeter the meat.

I know it’s against the moral code and everything we stand for, but I can’t help it I’m craving a people pot pie and unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do about it, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach…or so I’ve been told.

I was as agile as a cat, Garfield the cat to be exact, but I knew that if I kept at it and didn’t give up that I would eventually catch my prey and be able to enjoy a nice yummy meal.

You don’t always need to be a cannibalistic ninja to eat well, us slow and steady types can handle our own, don’t believe me just check out Mr. Jason Voorhees, that dude never breaks a sweat and always catches his prize in the end.

At first I thought I was drugged, somebody roofied with the hopes of having a good time with my lifeless body, but then it came to me, I was a zombie (or a walker if you want to be hip).

As I said prior, I wasn’t really quite sure how it happened; I was obviously once fully alive and now somehow became deader than a doornail and in the process caught the zombie flu, and as a result of that I was now one of the living dead; I was able to survive just about anything except a blow to the dome.

So with that being said, the first order of business (after finding a meal of course) was to find myself and nice strong helmet to protect my melon.

I’m putting that on my bucket list, and using that same bucket to carry around all my appendages that fall and/or that are ripped off.

I’m also not sure if it would be considered necrophilia or not, because I am living and I am dead so it’s difficult to tell, but I would want to get some booty before I finally kick said bucket…that is as long as I don’t lose my pecker anytime during my travels.

Was being a zombie really all that bad, was it truly a turn for the worse, I mean aside from my limps falling off as if they were just taped on and the inconsolable hunger for braaaaaaaaaaaaains was it the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, not by a long shot?

Sure my body is decaying similar to the teeth of a meth addict, my skin feels identical to Jello and my face looks like it was on fire and someone put it out with a bag of dimes, but there’s always plastic surgery…am I right?

I can feel my intelligence slowly starting to slip away, like sands through an hourglass or our hopes and dreams through our elected officials, so let me wrap this up before I’m brain dead and surviving on instincts alone, kind of like Kanye West.

It’s now time for me to skedaddle and to be on my way, and if I happen to run into you on my journey please forgive me if I take a bite out of you as if you were crime and I was McGruff the Crime Dog.