Friday, March 27, 2015

“WWE WrestleMania 31 Breakdown”

Considering that I’m a wrestling fan, been so since the 80s (What’cha Gonna Do Brother), and considering that WrestleMania is this weekend, their biggest pay-per-view of the season, I decided I should write about it and share my thoughts.

We all know it’s fake and scripted, kind of like politics, but it is still a lot of fun, at least to me it is.

Here’s my rundown of all the matches and my thoughts as to who will win each match and why.

Kickoff Pre-show: Fatal 4 Way for the WWE Tag Team Titles: The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. Big E and Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd:

The only tag team in this match I care for are The Usos, I think they are incredible performers with a lot of talent.

I don’t see them winning the match though, it just doesn’t seem like it would be “best for business” as The Authority would say.

With the Usos out of the mix, I don’t really care who wins this one, because I’m just not a fan of any of the three teams left.

However, if I had to pick I would say let Cesaro and Tyson Kidd keep the titles, Los Matadores and Big E/Kofi Kingston wouldn’t be all that exciting, not hating just saying.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Konnor, Viktor, Kane, Big Show, Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, Jack Swagger, The Miz, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Erick Rowan, Sin Cara, Damien Sandow, Goldust, Mark Henry, Heath Slater, plus others TBA:

This match I see as a launching point for a Kane/Big Show feud in one corner, and in the other, a Miz/Damien Sandow feud.

Something they can play with on Monday night, and in the upcoming weeks, setting up for some big matches for their next pay-per-view.

The winner, I’m seeing Sheamus returning and winning the whole thing, why because stoned Mele says so!

WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns:

I think Lesnar will win this one, mainly because he’s the bigger name of the two, but I really hope I’m wrong because we really do need a new champion.

We need someone who will show up more often than Lesnar, he shows up less than a toothbrush in a trailer park does.

I must admit, I do have a bad feeling that Reigns will win and then Rollins will cash in his Money in the Bank contract and take it from him, an unnecessary twist that would be as lame and as predictable as Batista winning the 2014 Royal Rumble.

However, considering that the WWE Universe wasn’t all that pleased about Mr. Reigns having this opportunity in the first place, I can really see that happening…can you smell what I’m cooking.

WWE United States Title Match: Rusev vs. John Cena:

This one is playing out kind of like the Hulk Hogan/The Iron Sheik matches did back in the 80s, and unfortunately I think the end result will be very similar too, with Cena (the super patriot) coming away with the WWE United States Title.

Nothing all that thrilling here, a match made just to have Cena on the card to make all his “Cena Sucks/Let’s Go Cena” fanboys/girls happy and willing to shell out $9.99 for the WWE Network, not hating just saying.

…and please bring back Lana for this match, we um er miss her or something.

WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett:

I’m thinking this is the WWE’s way of making up to their fans for the fact that Daniel Bryan didn’t win the Royal Rumble and go on to face Lesnar in the main event, but I do hope I’m wrong here.

I personally love Dean Ambrose, I think he is one of the most entertaining wrestlers to come along in quite some time, and with that said, I truly hope he wins and comes away with the title.

This is probably the match I’m most looking forward to, it just screams excitement and I’m positive it will be action-packed.  

Sting vs. Triple H:

I’ve been a fan of Sting since he first hit the scene back in the day, there was just something about him that drew me in.

During the Monday Night Wars I actually preferred WCW to WWE thanks to the whole NWO/Sting storyline, as I’m sure many of us wrestling fans did.

I hated the fact that when WWE won the war, he didn’t move over to WWE after the demise of the WCW, I could only imagine the great matches that we could have seen if he did.

I was such a fan of his that I actually, and very shamefully admit to, watched him on TNA, if that doesn’t prove my loyalty I don’t know what does.

I must say though I do like the angle they are working here, and I really hope that Triple H doesn’t win just because he is the company man, but considering some of the writing as of late I’m thinking that is exactly what we will see.

AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins:

There’s a whole lot of sexy going on here, throw in some nighties and pillows and you’ll have every man’s wet dream.

In all seriousness, I want to see AJ Lee and Paige come away with a win here; I like their “Skip to my lou my crazy” and “The Glampire from across the ocean” gimmicks.

Nothing against The Bella Twins, I just don’t see what the big deal is about them; I think they’re a little overrated.

You can keep your Brie Mode nonsense.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton:

I enjoy Rollins; he makes a great heel, is an incredible wrestler and has awesome mic skills, but unfortunately because of how they choose to use him for Raw/ SmackDown, basically ramming him down our throats as if was Wild Bill and we were Monica Lewinsky, I’m tired of him.

Honestly I wouldn’t mind if he started keep Lesnar’s hours.

Let Orton win, allow him to beat Rollins down and make him his bitch as he promised, and then down the road he could make a huge comeback and win the WWE World Heavyweight championship.

We all know that this won’t happen though, especially considering that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank, but a fan can dream can’t he.

If anyone from the writing staff of the WWE is reading this, please hear my plea and get rid of J and J security, they seriously suck.

Do we want to see them gone? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker:

This is a match I’m really not looking forward to, and not because I don’t like the talent involved, because that couldn’t be further from the truth, but rather because I think it’s a match they threw together just to get Wyatt over.

With The Undertaker’s streak being broken at last year’s WrestleMania, there is really nothing left for him to fight for, so why not let Wyatt (the young blood) win and make a name for himself?

I’m not against a younger superstar getting a push, especially when they’ve earned it (i.e. Wyatt), but not at the expense of a past superstar who is way past his prime and should be kicking back and relaxing in Death Valley sipping on a Mai Tai.

Hopefully it’s not one of those Wyatt gets disqualified for acting a fool and no one really wins or loses, at least as far as the record books are concerned, because I really hate those kinds of matches.

The End

Well that’s all he wrote people, let’s hope for a great show and not a massive disappointment.

And remember kids, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

Oh yeah, don’t try this at home; I’m a trained professional.



  1. I am a big wrestling fan too but this looks to be one of the worst Wrestlemania cards ever. The writing has been horrible and all the storylines are stale or messed up.

    Problem is it's all G-rated now and more for the kids. The Attitude Era rules and the wrestling wars were great. I try to watch Raw on Mondays but turn it off nowadays. It's just a bad product.

    1. I would totally agree with you on that. The WWE has really lost its pizzazz, it's nothing like it was back in the 80s/90s, that is for sure.

      I believe most of that has to do with lack of direct competition, because why worry about putting out the best possible product when it's basically them or nothing.

      They constantly rehash the same storylines, "I am Rollins hear me roar, 37 on one handicap match, why because they Authority says so. Boring and done to death already, time to move on.

      All the real talent, like Ambrose and Bryan for example, are just cast aside because they aren't hulking freaks with more muscle than talent, and in some cases brains.

  2. Well, this Joker has to put his two cents in. I think you are spot on with your predictions. I also agree with you in regards to Sting. This is what the WWE really needs. And Sting needs to be silent. They keep giving him the microphone. Stop! The whole allure of Sting is that he is no talk...just ass kicking.

    I would actually like to see Roman Reigns win. Although Brock Lesner signed on for another year with the WWE, he really has not been much of a Champion. We need a real champion. One that shows up more than just the show before every pay per view.

    If I were a script writer I would write in two things. I would write in that Dean Ambrose goes after J&J Security. Not Seth Rollins...but every time Seth Rollins came out to fight, Dean Ambrose would be there to cause a ruckus and distraction by beating on J&J Security.

    The next thing I would write in, would be for Bray Wyatt or Luke Harper. Their next opponent to come out with beard trimmers. They would beat Bray or Luke senseless and while they are knocked out on the mat they would take the the trimmers and shave off their beards.

    And that's what's best for business!

    1. I totally agree with you in regards to Sting being silent, him not saying a word is what keeps the mystique alive and the character interesting. I'm not saying he's bad on the mic, because he's not, but his "vigilante" character doesn't need to say much.

      I wouldn't mind seeing Reigns beat Lesnar at WrestleMania, but if he does I know exactly what's going to happen, one of two things. Rollins will either cash in the money in the bank contract and take the title from him, or Lesnar will have a rematch with him at their next pay-per-view and he'll win it back.

      They really need to give Ambrose a better storyline, he's an awesome wrestle and he's great on the mic. No more of this just throw him wherever nonsense with no rhyme or reason behind it whatsoever, that's just wasting good talent.

      So you're suggesting a beard match? Interesting.

  3. Well, I have to admit that this was actually a great card and one of the better Wrestlemania's in a long time. WWE is starting to listen to the fans. Some awesome matches and surprises. Monday Night Raw was great!

    1. You really thought so? I personally thought it was somewhat predictable and uneventful. The really good matches, like the Intercontinental Title Ladder Match, was over in a flash, felt kind of rushed. Also the Undertaker, really needs to retire, like for real retire and none of that Brett Favre crap.