Friday, July 10, 2015

“…And Now for the Entertainment News”

Since Hollywood doesn’t seem to have an original thought left in its head, they decided to start a new genre and to see where it goes from there.

Please welcome horror porn into the mix!

Honestly most horror movies are only a few naked women away from being a porno anyways, so this actually makes perfect sense if you think about it.

First movie in this new genre to star Ron Jeremy as the killer, because we all know if looks could kill this dude would be a lethal weapon, a real killing machine.

He will play Fatty Krueger in the upcoming film “A Nightmare on Skeet Street”.

While Freddy has a glove with four knives, Fatty will be sporting only one, and it will be hanging off the end of his junk.

Gives new meaning to the whole “Naked and Afraid” thing, doesn’t it?

When it comes to the film’s score.

Just imagine the Friday the 13th theme with a woman in the background moaning in ecstasy, talk about music to your ears.

Fox Studios to bring the hit sitcom “What's Happening” to theaters next summer, with Kanye West (Mr. Kim Kardashian if you’re nasty) to star as the wisecracking Dee Thomas.

Kanye is also up for the role of the extremely irritating alien Jar Jar Binks in the next installment of the Star Wars movies.

This decision did not come about because he is a great actor, but more so because he is just as annoying and makes about as much sense when he opens his mouth as Mr. Binks does.

Needless to say fans were not pleased with this casting choice, especially after he took it upon himself to jump up on stage when Chewbacca was accepting the award for “best space furry”, beating out the Ewoks and Tribbles, just to express his disgust with the (space) academy over their choice.

Apparently he thought the dogs from “Space Buddies” should have won because, and I quote, “Those doggies are just so gosh darn adorable and when they lick my face it reminds me of Kim”.

Now onto the “boob tube”, and in this particular case I mean that literally.

CNN decided instead of just allowing boobs to fill up their channel with inane ramblings about topics they know absolutely nothing about, they would show actual boobs, like the ones women have.

Some of the new shows to premier soon are “Boob Watch”, which is just Bay Watch without all the Hasselhoff crap, and the game show “The Price is Right…for Boobs” with Bob Barker as the host.

They are also considering changing the name of the channel from the Cable News Network (CNN) to Boobs “R” Awesome (BRA), which they think would be more fitting for their new format.

A hidden camera show will soon be upon us, called “Blue and Red”, and only to air during an election.

Once you cast your vote, the host will jump out and yell, “You’ve been veto’ed” and smack you upside your head.

All the viewers would get a good laugh at you, Democrat or Republican, left or right, whatever side it is that you so blindly choose to align yourself with, for believing anything the candidates say/promise and/or for buying into their hype machine (Change, yeah right).

A new reality show to soon hit the airwaves called, "Fat People in Florida".
The premise is simple, a bunch of fat people outside in the Florida heat, see who can last the longest without going inside to the AC.

The winner to receive an all-expense paid trip to the fabulous Golden Coral negative four star restaurant in beautiful Tampa, Florida.

Thankfully considering the average belly size here in good old Florida, there is no shortage of contestants.

Continuing on with what’s to come in the world of reality television.
"So You Think You Can Make Whoopee" to debut this Fall on NBC, with judges Jenna Jameson, Monica Lewinsky and Bill Cosby, who comes packing a Pez dispenser filled with prescription Quaaludes.

Talk about must see TV.

Survivor is back, this time in America, so get ready to not only watch, but also participate in the all new Survivor America!

Forget an Island, we're going for ratings here, your ass is voted off the continent!

We are all contestants, and instead of a cash prizes, the winners get a piece of mind knowing that they are bettering the country, and raising the overall national IQ.

Each week we vote to castoff one person, like for example that donut licking, American hating Ariana Grande…just saying.

Thankfully our country is full of idiots and morons, someone is always doing something crazy (i.e. Jason Pierre-Paul, Al Sharpton, Donald Trump, just to name a few), so this show will be on the airwaves for a very long time to come.

Finally on the reality television front, we have a new romantic series in the works that will debut soon on ABC.

The show is called, “Who Wants to Marry a Divorced Millionaire Bachelor Model Who's Cheating on the Mother of His Six Kids with a Wannabe Celebrity Who Will Do Anything to be in the Spotlight. **cough** Tila Tequila **cough**

During a recent promotional event for the show, an executive at ABC was asked what he thought about it, he stated that he was very pleased, thought it reflected strong family values and high standards, just none of that sinful gay stuff because of course they are trying to keep things sanctified.

Now for a little bit of music news.

Axel Rose not happy with the performance of Guns N’ Roses last album (Chinese Democracy for those of you who stopped following them in the 90s), decided it was time for drastic measures, that is if he ever hoped to be rocking arenas again and not performing at Bar Mitzvahs anymore.

He decided it was time for another all covers album, this time to feature theme songs from popular television shows.

Selections that have already been confirmed are, The Golden Girls theme, The Facts of Life theme and the ever rocking Brady Bunch theme.

Nirvana is reuniting and planning a worldwide tour!

I know what you’re thinking, how could this be, especially since the last time we saw Kurt Cobain he was sucking on the barrel of a shotgun.

Well the other two surviving members are planning on exhuming his body and doing it Weekend at Bernie's style.

They are calling the tour, The Smells like Teen Unwashed Ass Tour.

Get your tickets now because they are going fast, how fast you ask, they will come and go quicker than Courtney Love’s career.

Well that’s all for me, and now, here's Ollie Williams with the Blackuweather Forecast. Ollie?



  1. Damn fine writing, I am in fits of laughter here :) ha ha ha ha my eyes they are rolling in the back of my head ha ha ha ha

    1. Thank you very much my friend, I really appreciate that and I'm very happy to know you enjoyed it.

  2. Oh MAN I want to see this shiz! Might make cable worth the money for once.
    Too funny.

    1. Wouldn't it be awesome if those were real shows?