Monday, February 22, 2016

“Nerdy by Nature: Deadpool, The Walking Dead and Call of Duty”

First things first, here are my credentials and why you should listen to me as if I was Charles Manson and you one of my family.

I’ve been a nerd since as far back as I can remember. Sported superhero underoos and PJs once I was out of diapers, and still do to this day. While my friends (and by friends I mean siblings and other kids whose parents felt sorry for me and made them play with me), were outside playing sports I was inside chilling with a dungeon master. As we sipped on some cool refreshing Tang we adventured out into the land of make-believe, and I’m not talking about Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood here, we journeyed to places filled with such vile and disgusting creatures that it made the Democratic/Republican debates look like beauty pageants. 
I collected action figures (not dolls). I played video games as if they were my meth and I their addict. The only books I read had more men in tights than a RuPaul party. Watched cartoons like how Republicans watch Fox News. While artists like Michael Jackson and Madonna blasted from other people’s radios, I was jamming out to “Weird Al” Yankovic on my Sony Walkman. The list can go on and on, but I’m sure by now you get the picture.

If it was something that you would likely get beaten up and/or ridiculed for partaking in, that was my scene. Well at least back in the day it was, because somehow we went from Revenge of the Nerds to The Big Bang Theory, now instead of nerds being picked on they are looked upon like rockstars. How times change.

Secondly, you are about to enter the danger zone! Well okay not the danger zone necessarily, but at least the potential spoiler zone, so tread lightly. I separated the sections to make things easier, that way if you haven’t seen and/or played something and you didn’t want it spoiled, you could just hop over it like Frogger.

Here we go…


The Deadpool video game is totally worth playing, especially if you’re a fan. If you haven’t checked it out yet, you definitely should. Sure the camera could use a little work, but overall a gaming experience totally worth having.

Next, which could actually be first, all depending on your desire to see it in the theaters or on Blu-ray, watch the Deadpool movie! It is hands down one of the best superdude (he doesn’t like being called a hero and considering how he’s not playing with a full deck and packing a shitload of weapons I don’t really think it’s best to insult the man) movies to come along, like in forever.

The action is awesome, funny as hell and full of lots of comic booky goodness and Easter eggs galore. Sure the story is kind of predictable and a little cliché at times, but unless you’re possessed by the spirits of Siskel and Ebert, you don’t go to a movie like this expecting to be blown away by the story.

Just in case I may have scared some of you away from seeing this movie, making you think you had to be a fan of Mr. Pool and his comic books prior to seeing it to fully enjoy it and/or a fan of superheroes in general, there is nothing further from the truth. From the novice to the expert, there is something here for everyone and a guaranteed good time.  

** Disclaimer, this isn’t Spider-man, it’s rated R for a reason, so I wouldn’t recommend bringing the wee little ones to see it. **

“The Walking Dead”

For the record, I’m only talking about the television show here, season six in particular, not the comic book. I have never read any of the books in the series, maybe one day but as of right now not one, so please keep that in mind when reading what I have written. 

I cannot honestly say I was a fan from the beginning. I entered the mix pre-badass Carol, she was still taking punches from her old man and not scaring the shit out of children, you know picking flowers instead of telling people to look at them. After catching an episode one Sunday night when I had no more football to watch, I quickly realized how kick-ass it was and got instantly hooked like a largemouth bass, and the rest is history.

Now here comes season six, which I anxiously anticipated like a kid waiting for Christmas morning. Tuned in every week like the good little viewer I was, even stayed afterwards to watch Talking Dead. However, something was awry in Alexandria, and I’m not referring to those overly annoying neighbors of everyone’s favorite walker killing badasses, Rick and the Rickites.
The Walking Dead was becoming one of "those" shows. Michael Bay-esque style explosions for no other reason than because they can. We have people dying for nothing more than shock value, only later to be revealed that they weren't really dead to begin with, and now leaving us to question whether a death is real or a sham. Those ever so predictable characters that are only thrown into the story to be walker chow, for example the Anderson family, because we all know that if they were on Star Trek their shirts would be red.

The only thing missing is the evil twin and we’ll have ourselves a soap opera! I love the show, but season six is definitely leaving me scratching my head in confusion and concern (and no it’s not lice). It’s like Night of the Living Dead and Kill Bill had a baby, and not a cute baby either, but rather one so ugly it’ll make a train take a dirt road. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that things will end on a high note, but as of right now this season is my least favorite of the series.

“Call of Duty”

I don’t have a problem with the game as a whole, or even Activision’s desire to milk that cash cow dry, because honestly I would do the same thing if I was in their shoes. My problem, like many other gamers, lies with the multiplayer aspect, mainly with all those little bitches and bastards who would make Damien look like a saint. Sure not all are bad and disruptive, but unfortunately most are, and we all know that one bad wipe spoils the britches.

I don’t claim to be any good, truthfully I can’t even hold my own, I just enjoy playing the game. I know if they had to pick multiplayer teams I would be picked last and I’m perfectly cool with that. I even understand the competitive aspect of it, and having me on the team would definitely hinder that, so I get some people wanting to go all Tasmanian devil on me. Now with that said, I can’t stand when these gits treat me like I’m the new kid in town, as if it’s my first time holding a controller.
I may not have all the time in the world to game nowadays (stupid adult responsibilities), and when it comes to certain games I may just be a born-again noob (or an old school noob), but I’ve been playing video games while most of these fuggers were still, what Michael Phelps would do in a pool and another name for dad squirrel’s lunch bag (I’m trying not to be vulgar here). That in a “nut” shell is what drives me cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs in regards to the online community in those games. Does this make me sound like a cranky old gamer, I’m sure it does, but those youngins’ need to learn respect for their elders…and to stay off my lawn!

These fools need to be visited by a Mr. O.J. Simpson…and remember if the NES Power Glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit! They think they’re all hot poop because they can mow down people like they were grass on the virtual battlefield, but let’s see how they do with Ghosts ‘n Goblins or Battletoads.

The End...

There you have it, the first chapter in the Nerdy by Nature saga, and possibly the last depending on how well this piece is received. Feel free to let me know what you think, even if it is ripping me a new one, just please be gentle because I really don’t like things by my old one.